tonight has reminded me why i want to die. my sister and her boyfriend are staying over for a night and of course my stepdad had to embarrass me and make me feel like complete shit in front of them. he does so by calling me pathetic, lazy, says i’ve done nothing with my life and mocks me by going “ohh wow i’m so depressed, poor me! i want to kill myself, no one cares about me!” which results in me hiding away in my room until they go to bed. they take his side, which comes to no surprise, and basically tell me “shit happens” and to get over it. i want someone to give a shit about me. i want the hurt to stop.
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Parents/people like that are assholes. They basically lack empathy and instead of trying to build you up, they’d rather turn a blind eye and would rather put you down and destroy. Been there, done that. I’ve been patient with them for as long as I remember humanely possible but now that I’ve had enough, I’ve given them a taste of their own medicine. I am as disrespectful as much as possible, don’t even attempt to strike a conversation with them, shout at them or turn up the tone as much as possible when talking to me or replying and basically reminding my parents each and every little abuse and disrespect they’ve done to me as a child and as a teen when they act up like what you described. I’d tell them that they’d push my head in walls and doors, would beat me up and demean me when I was a child. Then I’d verbally abuse back and tell them that even on their dying breath, they’re still f*cking assholes. I’d get on their nerves as much as possible. Hey, you played favorites and was abusive at me when I was young. Karma’s a ***** ain’t it? My mother would cry. I would feel pity but then I would remember all the sh*t they’ve done to me as a child and as a teen. They’d tell me I have a black heart and I should forget the past but I’d tell them it’s exactly because of you two a*sholes why I have a black heart and anger issues in the first place.
They just want to get in my good graces now that they’re old and basically dying but when I was young they would take turns psychologically and physically abusing me. Now that I’m returning the favor, they then tell me they’ve been remorseful for what they’ve done. I really hate people like that, who screw your life then tell us they’ve done no wrong and have no part in you growing up as a f*cked up person.
Wow, you basically wrote my story out there, in essence atleast.
I just wrote my first SP note. Im now 30 and my father just attempted to commit suicide. I wrote it in the note as well. Your story here, is what I did. Im suppose to feel a tinge of karmaic gratitude but instead I just got into 3 relationships that used me in 2 months and broke my heart and then this happened (Probably a sick tactic of my dad to get me home because I don’t visit them anymore). Now I’m thinking…it wasnt just my parents all along, it was the world…this world is a sick place to begin with. Any light can be extinguished…just look at stars and if this is all just a sick chaotic game, I’m folding my cards and slipping out the back I want no part in it.
I feel you. I really don’t blame people who give up and decided nothing is worth fighting for anymore. Despite all the technological advances humanity has come up so far, it seems our relationships with fellow humans have turned for the worse. I don’t know about you but this world seems to have taken a backseat in ethics, justice and morality when mindless materialism and consumerism took root. I’ve advocated going back to simpler times, when men acted like men and took matters into their own hands when people mess with them but I guess it’s a lost cause when modern society even punishes those who defend themselves or make things right.
Yeah if I was in that circumstance which I have been I usually sleep in my car or at a friends house. I have a week coming up where my mom will be gone and I hate my dad. She is only moderately bearable. I usually just shake in my room with the heebie-jeebies until she gets back. I would prefer living on the street with a backpack and nothing else but I am here because I am on “probation” for a while — think I am going to kill myself before probation ends hopefully. Anything to get away from them.
@loosejoystick
You didn’t give much details about yourself, I’m going to assume you’re a guy in his late teens. My advice is to try to find work that is stable so that you can live on your own. Obviously you live in a toxic environment and sometimes verbal abuse can cross over into physical.
I personally cannot stand bullies so I’d be the type to talk back/stand up for myself-within reason-I’ve had enough battles with my dad (fortunately they were never physical). Really your mother should be supporting you-she’s your real family, he’s not-so I don’t know what’s going on there. And it’s no surprise step-parents are this way because you’re not their offspring-but of course it happens to blood relatives too.
Either ways if I was in your shoes, if you are physically able to work you should do so. I’ve been depressed so I know how bad it is, but you’ll find that sometimes you get so busy with your life that you are able to put those emotions aside. If you feel you’re better off getting a higher education-go to college/university then do so. The less you’re around them the better.
The reality is unless you’re rich, most of us have to work to survive and perhaps your stepdad wants you on your own two feet. Again I’m just speculating but hopefully I’ve given you another alternative to consider.
I’ve been in numerous very difficult situations in my life and I got out of them by being focused, disciplined and working towards the goal of getting out of those bad situations and I succeeded. You can do the same-if you respect yourself then you wouldn’t allow anyone to treat you this way and you’d do whatever it takes to become independent.
I should add if you are not able to physically work then get a medical note regarding your depression and explain it to your stepdad one-on-one why you are unable to do what he expects and perhaps if he’s reasonable he’ll give you the time/space to get better. I wouldn’t count on it because it is a hostile relationship but at least he should know that the medical field supports your claims. Hope that helps and best of luck.
Though my siblings never did that to me, we all got it from our parents and the psychological inception of favour’s game also took place, verbal, physical ad the one I cannot bear, Psychological. Made me trust no one with low self confidence unable to give or feel love normally. I still held on until I have proven to myself I could make it on my own and I did but to deathly despair of hopelessness of the world instead. When I was younger before graduation I did attempt suicide mainly because I had thought I had failed. I very nearly came to it but I still had something to prove and things to do. Now though, there is no more abuse and no more feeling no control of a situation, but you will soon discover we are a product of our father’s sins. Everywhere you look there will be people with the same issue and instead of trusting each other, the sheeple only knows how to throw it on others and not come to terms with it. Me? I think I have and now Im ready to go because the abuse, betrayals, suffering are a major attribute of society but when you have done all you have desired to do, at this point what’s to lose by folding your cards in a house full of horror decks.
I’d just wish you try living independently first so you can do all the things you might still want to do (live in another place, learning new skills, trying new hobbies) with the sweat of your creation and service. So you have at least proven yourself to be in control of you fully before you decide and hopefully not experience a disparaging world that I saw before me.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Any kind of abuse is harmful to the core. I read through others’ posts, about spending time working or getting away from home as soon as possible. I would advise you working, and of course getting away from home IF you can afford it. But most importantly, try not to listen to the abusers. Don’t let them influence what you do with your life. You decide what happens. You can’t know if you really like this life or not if you aren’t independent and in control of it yet. Peace and love to you.