Author

LovingLife

A suicide note; The final act- decided and will be done soon.

by LovingLife 6/17/2014

written by LovingLife

I’m off with the world, things have gotten so much worse in a couple of days; my remedy – the last working medicine gives me no avail anymore. Chest pains and the difficulty to breathe is too much. Have to get to my car and end it in a matter of days.

Why does this unjustified destiny come across for someone who has no reasonable desire to kill himself otherwise than that of the irreversible condition – and a deadly one of course. This will be hard on my family, but I’ve ruined almost every relationship beforehand already – love and hate for all, I believe […]

6/17/2014 37 comments

A game of russian roulette

by LovingLife 6/13/2014

written by LovingLife

Novelist Graham Greene played Russian roulette as a teenager

If the first volume of his autobiography A Sort of LIfe is to be believed, then the novelist Graham Greene did not have a very auspicious childhood.

His earliest memory was of sitting in his pram atop a hill, with a dead dog at his feet. When he was five, Greene walked with his nurse close to an alms-house, outside of which a crowd had gathered. Suddenly a man rushed forward and into the building. It was said he was about to cut his throat. Greene and his nurse waited among the wide-eyed spectators, until the man appeared […]

6/13/2014 1 comment

The sound of love

by LovingLife 6/13/2014

written by LovingLife

Dance of love,
voice above
voice under,
voice of thunder,
speak from
the distant clouds,
voice of passion,
voice of life,
speak from
the silent memory,
sweet intertwine,
whisper beauty,
dance into
our lush green garden.

6/13/2014 0 comment

To Ivancruz98

by LovingLife 6/13/2014

written by LovingLife

Was just writing a comment to you, but you already had removed your post.

So sorry to hear of your illness, my heart goes out to you. I’m having a terminal condition as well and have horrifying symptoms too, and they are getting worse by the minute; so I want to end it my way soon as do you.

If you would like to talk personally, I can give you my email address. We can talk here too if you feel comfortable. But if you desire not to talk, take care and I sincerely wish you a peacefull and painless end. You will be in a […]

6/13/2014 5 comments

Heavenly Hell

by LovingLife 6/11/2014

written by LovingLife

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shdiTRxTJb4

One was watching the other day a red-tailed hawk, high in the heavens, circling effortlessly,
without a beat of a wing, just for the fun of flying, just to be sustained by the air-currents.
Then it was joined by another, and they were flying together for quite a while;
they were marvellous creatures in that blue sky,
and to hurt them in any way is a crime against heaven.
Of course there is no heaven; man has invented heaven out of hope, for his life has become a hell,
an endless conflict from birth to death, coming and going, making money, working endlessly.
This life […]

6/11/2014 0 comment

An honorable fight

by LovingLife 6/11/2014

written by LovingLife

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42MAk4_DBFc&index=44&list=PL_lfsNREdSwx5eGkEOsFse8sWdjwSUi-K

As the shadows assume
shapes
I fight the slow
retreat now

my once – very promise
dwindling
alas, it is dwindling

now
lighting new cigarettes
pouring more
drinks

it has been a beautiful
fight

and still
is.

Sorry for the double post; something got mixed up.

6/11/2014 0 comment

Value of life

by LovingLife 6/9/2014

written by LovingLife

How many times did the sun shine, how many times did the wind howl over the desolate tundras, over the bleak immensity of the Siberian taigas, over the brown deserts where the Earth´s salt shines, over the high peaks capped with silver, over the shivering jungles, over the undulating forests of the tropics – day after day. Through infinite time, the scenery has changed in imperceptible features. Let us smile at the illusion of eternity that appears in these things, and while so many temporary aspects fade away, let us listen to the ancient hymn, the spectacular song of the wind, that has saluted so […]

6/9/2014 0 comment

Love was once…worth remembering

by LovingLife 6/8/2014

written by LovingLife

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GntRHCuHorc

I think our last kiss was meant to be quick and chaste, but after the first touch of her lips fire leaped up and roared through my belly. My fingers yanked her close, digging into her back, and her arms embraced me to her as if wanting to meld us together. I knotted my fingers in her heavenly hair and bit down on her bottom lip, making her groan. Her lips parted, and my tongue swept in to dance with her. There was nothing sweet or gentle in our last kiss; it was filled with sorrow and desperation, of the bitter knowledge that we could’ve […]

6/8/2014 0 comment

Whithering loneliness

by LovingLife 6/8/2014

written by LovingLife

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qsgBF7ZIsk&list=PL_lfsNREdSwx5eGkEOsFse8sWdjwSUi-K&index=44

I’m the one who steps from the shadows, all trenchcoat and cigarette and arrogance, ready to deal with the madness. Oh, I’ve got it all sewn up. I can save you. If it takes the last drop of your blood, I’ll drive your demons away. I’ll kick them in the bollocks and spit on them when they’re down and then I’ll be gone back into darkness, leaving only a nod and a wink and a wisecrack. I walk my path alone… who would walk with me.

6/8/2014 12 comments

Hell here I come

by LovingLife 6/7/2014

written by LovingLife

Music from the game Diablo, very “hellish” and creepy as it can get, I bet if there were music in the underworld it would sound like this.

Some thoughts:

I can see what you see not
vision milky then eyes rot
when you turn they will be gone
whispering their hidden song
then you see what cannot be
shadows move where light should be
out of darkness, out of mind
cast down into the halls of blind

and another:

So this is hell. I’d never have believed it.
You remember all we were told about the torture-chambers,
the fire and brimstone, the “burning marl.” Old wives’ tales!
There’s […]

6/7/2014 0 comment

Afterlife

by LovingLife 6/7/2014

written by LovingLife

The song reflects my thoughts about being sent to another dimension – afterlife. Travelling through the vastness of an endless space with nothing but honor in disguise beside me.

Even this late it happens:
the coming of love, the coming of light.
You wake and the candles are lit as if by themselves,
stars gather, dreams pour into your pillows,
sending up warm bouquets of air.
Even this late the bones of the body shine
and tomorrows dust flares into breath.

6/7/2014 0 comment

Potential for anything

by LovingLife 6/6/2014

written by LovingLife

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsS4EqP3bG4&index=7&list=PL_lfsNREdSwx5eGkEOsFse8sWdjwSUi-K

If this ainÂ´t getting your socks flying then I donÂ´t what will. 🙂

6/6/2014 0 comment

Somehow this hit me

by LovingLife 6/6/2014

written by LovingLife

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVQQbOZsR_0

6/6/2014 0 comment

Clouds are gathering ominously

by LovingLife 6/5/2014

written by LovingLife

Moby – The Sky Is Broken (Markus One Strings Works Remix)

The song is preparing me for the incoming advent with one rule; rather burn out than fade away so it’s full throttle or nothing.

Love for life is gradually fading and the sunsets are getting lesser. As far as I’m concerned – I’m almost done. Can’t fight the endless war of growing pain. I just might get lucky and get a heart attack; death is coming soon for me nevertheless – just pray the God that my demise will be painless. I fear of no death, but the pain.

Maybe this suicide mania of my mine wasn’t […]

6/5/2014 0 comment

Chilling slowly out from life

by LovingLife 6/1/2014

written by LovingLife

Here’s a great chillout piece for everyone. Enjoy, have a drink and relax. 🙂

Check out the video text:

With every sunrise, another day of our lives, begins

With every sunset, another day, is lost

Life is short, so every once in while

Break the rules; Forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile

Growing old is compulsory, but growing up isn’t

Life might not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re here

Let’s dance.

6/1/2014 0 comment

The beauty of the world is beyond comprehension

by LovingLife 5/31/2014

written by LovingLife

Theme song from a show called Madventures.

Wish I could have seen the world even a 1 percent of what these guys have – and lived my life to the fullest while I still had the time. Really have to give a salute to Riku and Tunna. 🙂 Love the show, and it had for a few years kept me hoping to be in their shoes; exploring places, seeing other cultures and people – but no more.

The best travelling documentary program in the world by far – Finnish, but at least 3th season spoken in English – distributed all over the world though.

Theme song gets me […]

5/31/2014 2 comments

Hoping for “a take away”

by LovingLife 5/30/2014

written by LovingLife

How does one find hope when having a terminal disease? How can one withstand all the pain it causes while knowing it’ll never end – only gradually evolves, gets worse and finally eats you alive? Is hope even a slightest of possibility?

Expecting a miracle perhaps gives something to keep one’s head up. But preferably person just has to accept the facts; this really was perhaps my unjustified destiny and the clock is ticking ever faster like it has for so many people before me. Fear, tears, a mountain of hopelessness and beside me a conjurer of never-ending agony and despair.

Where do those people […]

5/30/2014 5 comments

Set me Free “Angel”

by LovingLife 5/29/2014

written by LovingLife

This pain is unnatural, a form of devious evil. It laughs with its twisted and corrupted face. Tears are trying to draw the pain away, create a smile – which fails.

Will I die soon, is it coming closer, will my heart give in to the pressure. Physical pain; please leave – set me free.

Remove my wings but let my worn out body breathe and ascend again.

Let my demise be painless, until you plunge me down.

Into the abyss.

5/29/2014 1 comment

Here’s some thoughts for the lone and sad travelers.

by LovingLife 5/28/2014

written by LovingLife

It just hit me when I was reading one of the posts. Remembered this speech by Samwais Gamgee to Frodo in
Lotr: The Two Towers. Now that if something probably touches everyone in at least some way. A new day will come.

Frodo: I can’t do this Sam

Sam: I know
It’s All Wrong
By rights we shouldn’t even be here.
But we are.

It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo.
The ones that really mattered.
Full of darkness and danger, they were.
And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end.
Because how could the end be happy?
How could the world go back to the […]

5/28/2014 2 comments

Trying to enjoy the last days of my life!

by LovingLife 5/24/2014

written by LovingLife

Hi to all,

Well, it has been 14 months since got sick physically – could not exercise or do anything after a while; things escalated and got worse every day. Now just breathing is so hard, and can’t even move without having terrible chest tightness, stomach aches, dry mouth and other stuff.

Docs first checked me for some general illnesses and after they found not a thing; it had to be in my head, of course.

The thing is not like many here may have; I have a physical sickness which is killing me and the docs can’t find what seems to be the problem, and then the […]

5/24/2014 2 comments