Trying to enjoy the last days of my life!

Hi to all,

Well, it has been 14 months since got sick physically – could not exercise or do anything after a while; things escalated and got worse every day. Now just breathing is so hard, and can’t even move without having terrible chest tightness, stomach aches, dry mouth and other stuff.

Docs first checked me for some general illnesses and after they found not a thing; it had to be in my head, of course.

The thing is not like many here may have; I have a physical sickness which is killing me and the docs can’t find what seems to be the problem, and then the easy way out for them is to blame all the shit to being in my head – psychosomatic and other stuff. If a person, when he runs 3000 meters in a cooper test and is a physically a very fit person starts to have symptoms during exercise, how the hell all I get to talk these days is physiatrics

And the symptoms get worse every day, can’t move, sleep, eat, everything seems to be related to adrenalin; my body can’t tolerate it anymore – docs and I have suspected some tumors being behind this but they are rare and hard to find. I got respiratory problems, my blood pressure levels raise abnormally, blood sugar levels have raised, heat tolerance is gone, EKG-changes, and most of all when trying to move I get so bad chest pressure, tightness and it gets hard to breathe – not fun anymore. Can’t do shit but just to be in agony.

Now, at the point of perhaps of no return I have decided to sell my car and other stuff, visit Canada with my last energy – one way ticket. And then kill myself after my money or condition gets worse enough so I can’t handle it anymore.

And the thing also is that I’m not depressed, I have so many things and dreams I’d like to accomplish, but sometimes faith throws a card of two bones crossed and a skull behind them; so can’t really fight if that is my place and destiny in this God forsaken world.

Sry, for the poor English, not my native language.