I opened this account around a year ago I think. I’ve referred two of my friends to this cite for things they couldn’t talk about. And I still have other friends with depression. I don’t understand the double standard of “I can be in pain, I can cut, I can try to die, but you can’t.”
No one needs to read this, no one needs to care. I just need to put it out there. Last night I said my bf broke up with me. The friend he promised didn’t care about me did everything she could to make me feel better. Thank you. But how the last round of this relationship started is what I need to talk about.
He had been dating a girl who was extremely clingy. Finally he broke it off with her. We both said that we still had feelings for the other, but I was a little wary. I told him we needed to wait three […]
I lost my best friend. Friday night, through text, my boyfriend dumped me. We’ve been off and on for three years. He told me this August you’re not just another. He lied. To him I was nothing more than another girl to take advantage of, to lie to, and to pretend he wasn’t hurting. I’m worthless and hate myself. Because even though he broke up with me, he blamed it on me like everything else. Someone please offer something…
I’m guessing I speak for more than just me, but personally I appreciate this site and the people on it. I appreciate the support and the hope. Even if I don’t log on it’s nice to know there are people out there. So thanks.
Part of my brain says I should just take a leap of faith and talk to someone. Talk about the cutting, the suicide attempts. But I’m just feeling all the “what if’s”. I hope I can find the courage before it’s too late. I don’t want to die, but I don’t always want to live either.
I quit cutting for the longest time, but now it’s all I think about. If I tell the people who call themselves my friends, they’ll freak. I don’t know what to do right now. Talk to my friends and risk it, or…be alone…
I haven’t been on here in months. But the people who I thought were helping just aren’t. I just wanna know…DO I deserve this? Do I deserve the teasing, the people talk who talk about me, the family who loves and finds interest in me selectively? Or am I over reacting, and need to get over myself. Is cutting foolish, or do my reasons make sense? I’m kinda confused right now…
I had a friend who told me that it will get better after high school. It will, it will it will. But as I move through this site, some many people aren’t as young as I am. Is that really where my future is headed, depression my entire life? Is it really worth the wait, or should I end it all as a teen. I don’t want to live for years feeling like this. I don’t know if I can.
The more I write and talk, the more I started to understand why. I understand why I have thoughts of death. I understand why I want to cut. I understand why everything feels out of my control. I’m trying to get help, but I’m afraid it won’t work. I think I want to stop feeling this way, but I can’t decide if that’s really possible. I hope it is. Because I picked up a blade the first time when I was 12. Pills came at 13. And just maybe I can stop it all. I just don’t understand what it will take to stop.
The last time I tried to end my life I reached out for help first. The only problem was they didn’t answer. After I took the pills I kept trying. But after a while I couldn’t think straight and my head spun. My heart was racing so fast I almost couldn’t feel it. The last thing I remembered before passing out was hearing “How to Save a Life” playing, start to finish. Hours later the person I asked for help started to text me. Begging me to wake up and answer, but I was still too delirious to understand. Eventually I woke up and answered, […]
I sit before the screen wanting to cut, wanting to die. Because people who pretend to be m family, or my friends, won’t stop me. Because they’d have to listen, have to care, to stop me.
I don’t know if I want to die, yet I know I don’t want to go on living. So I have to settle somewhere in between. With starvation and wanting to cut and die. I don’t care how I look, I just want to feel something but loss. Because friends are no longer friends when you’re a cutter.
I’ve started starving myself again, even though I quit hurting myself with cuts and burns. One of my…friends…chewed me out yesterday for not eating, but at the same time she doesn’t really care. I just feel really lost, which is why I found this today. Is ending self loathing really possible?