The last time I tried to end my life I reached out for help first. The only problem was they didn’t answer. After I took the pills I kept trying. But after a while I couldn’t think straight and my head spun. My heart was racing so fast I almost couldn’t feel it. The last thing I remembered before passing out was hearing “How to Save a Life” playing, start to finish. Hours later the person I asked for help started to text me. Begging me to wake up and answer, but I was still too delirious to understand. Eventually I woke up and answered, reading the texts of explanation. But none of them seemed good enough for me. We never spoke of that night six months ago again. But whenever I think about it I feel sick. Despite what they told me, they aren’t always there. And they never will be again. Because I’ll be gone next fall.
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3 comments
The being there of Friendship goes both ways.
We have all failed our Friends.
I was horrified when I read your post.
What you did to your friend…
Was it your secret wish that your suicide leave those you leave behind feeling guilty?
DO I want her to feel guilty now, or when I try again? No, not at all. But then, I believe I thought she deserved it. And I know it was twisted. But it’s not something you can take back.
Look deign is cool an all but think about it, once the last heart beat beats there no bringing it back and if this is what u want than u must explain that to those who will never understand why u did it. leaving them sad and torturing isnt the way to go would u want someone else to feel what u feel cause apparently its torturing the shit out of u that u would go and kill yourself. to my opinion its fine if u want suicide but at least explain yourself to your loved ones that have to watch u in your casket as u get buried six feet deep so they wont have to carry ur burdens asking the question “Could i have saved him?” and trust that people will torture them selves to sleep, u prob are a witness to that already.