I haven’t been on in a while since I’ve been here. It’s been one year ago that I shot myself. Some serious brain damage later and I don’t know how to feel about today.
At this point it’s generally safe to assume that I’m drunk at all times, sorry again for a shitty post that jumps too much between topics.
Well, I got the ball rolling with all of the legal crap as far as suing to get my knee fixed, since worker’s comp would rather fight with me for three years instead of doing their job. Earlier last week my other knee finally gave out from the overcompensation. My lawyer got me approved to go see a doctor on my former employer’s dime, but that doesn’t change the fact that I may never walk again without some form of […]
I’m pretty sure that the only thing that actually works is downing a bottle or two of vodka. If it’s not obvious, I’m a bit drunk, but at least it makes me numb and actually gets me to forget all of the other shit that I don’t want to think about. Fuck it, I might as well look at getting my hands on more morphine when I can, that shit works way fucking better than alcohol. Plus, it’s usually cheaper for me to get numb from that instead of drinking, so it works better. Yay for self mediction.
It’s been a while, last time I said anything it was a shitty goodbye before I was going to take my life. I succeeded, I stayed dead for a couple of minutes, but unfortunately I got better. I just haven’t gotten around to getting on the site since then.
Well, this is it. The worst day of the year. I’m twenty three now and my only good brother and the best friend I’ll ever have are six feet under. Another year has passed and I’m still an ugly cripple that can’t even go into public because of how bad my PTSD is. I’ve downed two bottles […]
I’m planning on leaving the 31st. The fact is that I don’t think I can even last that long. All I know is that I will not live to see another year without my friends and family that are already gone. This will probably be the last thing I write here. I’m just going to shoot myself in the head and I’ll finally be free from all of the bullshit.
It’s been months since I’ve had a drink and more than a year since I got off of morphine, but I need something now. Something stronger than the half bottle of whiskey I’ve got in the garage.
Say what you will, but self medication works better than anything else I’ve tried.
I haven’t talked to you for a bit, just making sure you’re okay.
Just a few hours ago, 153 innocent people were murdered. At leas one of them had now desire to die, but I’m assuming that was the case for most, if not all, of them. People wanting to live had their lives forcefully ripped from them, while I want to die but just don’t have the energy to try. I’d gladly trade places with any of them. This world is a cosmic, “Fuck you,” to everyone. Innocent people that want to live die every day, while those of us that want to die can easily end up surviving a suicide attempt or two. This is bullshit, […]
I wrote this in high school, for an English class. Hopefully it gets some laughs out of you guys.
A long, long time ago in a galaxy far away, 1998 in Oskaloosa, Kansas, there lived a young Twinkie named Pedro. Pedro was a good Twinkie, he had a golden glow to his exterior and a white, creamy center. He spent most of his days watching the other Twinkie soldiers march into battle to defeat their arch nemesis, the evil Hoho horde. One day, everything changed, his father was killed by the Hoho horde, when his body was returned, his creamy center had been sucked dry. Pedro’s […]
It’s been a while since I’ve been on. I didn’t blow my brain out as soon as I was planning. Which turns out to be one of the worst mistakes of my life. I met a girl, and as hard as I tried to not let my guard down, she got past it and actually tricked me into trusting her. Then, after a few dates and saying that she wanted us to be a couple, she basically said, “Nevermind,” on the day of what would have been our fourth date. I fucking hate life, there’s no fucking justification for all of this bullshit.
Well, I managed to survive another birthday. I had this song stuck in my head all day, enjoy. (or don’t, up to you)
I’m okay with that. If I can make peace with that, why the hell can’t any of my family members stop bugging me about being single? I know I haven’t dated anyone since 2012, but judging how things went then, being alone isn’t so bad. It’s not that I haven’t gotten over the last girl I dated, I just don’t feel the need to have all of the drama I had last time. I’m going to die in a month, so why the fuck does it matter?
The only reason I’m ranting about this is that I am currently visiting some family and my dad couldn’t […]
He would’ve been 25 today, but instead we decorated my brother’s grave with a plastic light-up sword.
I was just going over some old stories I wrote (or wrote most of, at least) and I can’t figure out what changed. I used to be able to sit down and write a story that, I was told, was well written and intriguing. I don’t know what changed, but I can’t even sit down to write the final three chapters of a book I know the ending to. Well, it’s technically a graphic novel, one of two that I almost finished, and only because they were my only fantasy stories and sometimes painting the world works better than trying to describe it with words. […]
At least that way my death could be a little more interesting than, “He got back from visiting family all Summer and promptly shot himself in the head.”
All I’ve got to do is make it ’til the end of August, then I’ll be back in CA with my crossbow and I can just hike into the woods and be done.
I’m pretty sure I listen to it at least 5 times a day. A while ago I could say whatever I wanted to say, now I can’t find the words for anything. This song though, the lyrics describe my current state better than I can. And now I’m going to stop typing before this turns into a rant.
And I can’t make myself study for any of them, I just don’t have the energy. It takes every bit of strength I have just to climb out of bed in the morning. This is bullshit, I’m thinking this summer will be my last. I’m gonna go visit some family on the other side of the country, come back to CA to pick up my crossbow and hike far enough into the woods that the smell of my rotting corpse won’t bother anyone, then I’ll put a bolt through my skull. May seem excessive, but I’ve survived ODing twice and an attempted hanging, so this […]
Seriously, I wrote this as a kid, don’t judge it too harshly, hopefully it’ll distract you guys from your worries for a bit.
You know how it is, when there’s someone who wants to be your friend but you don’t want to be theirs, and you can’t ever tell them you don’t like them because it would hurt their feelings. So every time you see them you say hi and talk but you never really hang out with them one on one. They might suggest it, but you always have some excuse, you hang out with them in a group if at all.
Michael was like that […]
Specifically the ones that say, “I understand.”
No you don’t, shut the fuck up.
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