Author

Mustismile

It’s hard to choose.

by Mustismile 5/28/2014

written by Mustismile

I don’t know what to say, so I’ll just ramble.

For the past two weeks the only thing that has been on my mind is putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger.

Three years ago I would have said that there may still be hope for me. Five years ago I would have said that suicide is a cowards way out. But now, I see it a bit differently.

Now, I see just how much strength it takes to abandon whatever it is that convinced you to stay for so long and enter permanently the into the unknown. I understand that it isn’t a way […]

5/28/2014 1 comment

Just shut the **** up!

by Mustismile 8/29/2013

written by Mustismile

It is 2:08am and I’ve been in my bedroom listening to my wretched father having a conversation with another man who shall not be named. Every word out of his drunken mouth is like a kick over yet another bottomless cliff.

A little history lesson for all the readers:

Long version:

All my life this drunk has belittled, criticized, ridiculed and harassed his family. He cares only about himself and isn’t afraid to show it. Breath wreaking of cheap beer shouting everything I never needed to hear! My mother was and is too submissive to do anything and then beats herself up for it. My entire childhood was […]

8/29/2013 4 comments

That moment when the final thread snaps…

by Mustismile 7/16/2013

written by Mustismile

For years, I’ve felt helplessly depressed. But through it all I had some mysterious and sometimes unwanted glimmer of hope keeping me moving on. I waited in my solitary shell for something to destroy the barrier I’ve built around myself and take me into a life worth living. I watched the world go by, knowing that I’ll never be like the beautiful people, the successful people. But that voice in my head kept telling me that there’s still hope for me. I hoped, and still do, to grow old and look back to say: “I’m proud of who I am”. But that voice that kept […]

7/16/2013 5 comments