For years, I’ve felt helplessly depressed. But through it all I had some mysterious and sometimes unwanted glimmer of hope keeping me moving on. I waited in my solitary shell for something to destroy the barrier I’ve built around myself and take me into a life worth living. I watched the world go by, knowing that I’ll never be like the beautiful people, the successful people. But that voice in my head kept telling me that there’s still hope for me. I hoped, and still do, to grow old and look back to say: “I’m proud of who I am”. But that voice that kept me alive no longer offers hope. I’ve been asked recently what I want to do with my life, to which I replied: “I don’t know”. It’s my usual answer to questions about my future. But my thoughts are always the same. The words ‘I WANT TO END IT’ scream at me over and over!
When I look at our world, I see the good people dying while the evil ones prosper.
I see my generation so dumbed down and drugged up that they go along with whatever the ones in power tell them. Obediance like a dog to it’s abusive owner.
I see people who would rather lie and steal than give a compliment.
I see spectators, watching the world swallow itself in flames, waiting for someone else to act first.
I see hypocrites waiting for their god to wipe clean the sinners while polluting the minds of their children with fabricated tales spewed out two thousand years ago and full of sinful revisions.
I see a world unfit for human life. That whisper of hope has started agreeing with me, that this world is not one I want to live in. I may not be religious, but I am spiritual. I believe in life after death. Why should I suffer here if there is somewhere better on the other side of the threshold?
I have one reason for staying here, and that is my mother. I never want to put her through that kind of pain. But every day I live is another day I see the disappointment in her face.
No matter how I put it. I do not want death. I want just the opposite, a life I can enjoy.