I actually know why I’m still here… it’s because I’m really too scared to kill myself. Â But even though I have a daughter and husband and family and friends who all love me, I’m suffering. Â I’m suffering a lot and I don’t want to continue to suffer the rest of my life. Â How is it considered selfish of ME to want to end my suffering, but not of THEM to want to keep me around for no good reason other than they want me here. Â And I don’t even know why they want me. Â I’m not a great parent (she’s 3 and I can’t even […]
I wish I could overdose on weed. Seriously… that would be the way to go. Too stoned to stay awake… then you drift off painlessly.
I just looked, and I can get a one way ticket to LA for just $155 on Amtrak. It would take 2 days to get there, but why would I be in a rush just to get to a city where I have no where to live? But I don’t feel like I should stay here. I’m only a burden to everyone I love.
Ever try or think of committing virtual suicide?  Like, disappearing from the internet all together (or as much as possible)?  Closing every online account you have access to?  I often wonder if any of the 200 friends on my fB would notice my absence?  If I came back, would they ask me what happened or want to know why I was gone?  I doubt it.  They would just say, “there goes the drama queen again”.
I’m not suicidal, exactly. Â I don’t want to kill myself. Â I wish God would just do it for me. Â I wish I had been at the Batman screening and been killed. Â Never seeing it coming… my mind on the movie instead of my misery– then GONE. Â That’s a scenario that I can’t make happen myself. Â No one would blame me. Â No one would hate me for leaving them. Â But I’d be out of my misery.
Well, I guess I’m not ban-worthy. sigh. I probably should stick around, anyway. Last night was just really bad. I spent hours writing about my life but when I posted it, I got zero responses, despite other people posting and commenting after my post. It just really made me feel stupid for thinking anyone would care about my middle-class white ass.
Since there doesn’t appear to be a way to cancel my account, what do I have to do to get permanently banned?  I don’t want this account just sitting open on the internet.  I should have never signed up here.