I think I drive my self crazy. Last night I woke up at 3:11am , I always wake at this time. The numbers are really significant . They say that angels are trying to reach to me to give me peace . Numbers freak me out . And math freaks me out . Newton invented math , BUT HOW THE FUCK IS IT SO PERFECT??? I was up to 7 am this morning researching shit on this . It makes me head hurt . Then I started researching more philosophical views on life . All these geniuses were depressed too . I think they knew […]
Today was really hard . I had to get through work without breaking down . But I think my sadness turned into anger today . I work at a smoothie bar/wrap place and I was trying to make a wrap and the tortilla kept breaking and so I threw it at the wall. I was so fustrated . And it was so busy. I hate serving people . Everyone is always in a hurry. I can’t wait to finish my dental assisting class so I can get a real job.
I wish life wasn’t so hard for me . I wish I had it easier . […]
I find my self not caring even more every day. What’s the point?
I don’t have any friends anymore . I’m practically alone . And at first I was scared but now I’m fine. I feel awkward being in public . I’m still really social , I just feel like people are judging me .
I find enjoyment in going on dates with other men. This is my secret . I done this so many times. i get to feel like the spotlight is on me for 3 seconds . But in the end none of these men make me happy . I don’t feel the need […]
so last night I guess someone smashed in my car windows and stole my wallet. What joy. Just another thing to add to my list of reasons I hate life.
I’m going to nap. I don’t wanna be here.
I haven’t been on here in what seems to be forever .
Im sad to say my days are worsening . I don’t feel anything anymore . I feel nothing . Im exhausted .
There is something terribly wrong with me . My mind driving me crazy . It’s 3:28 am and I can’t fucking sleep. I’m overthinking about everything . I’m feeling so shitty about my self . God turn this off . I wish I had a bottle of sleeping pills and some whiskey. I literally can never shut this off. I’m driving myself to insanity .
I don’t feel anything anymore .
I’ve been so drained . And it seems like sleep isn’t helping at all. When I got out of class at 3:00 i came home and went to bed and just now woke up.. It’s 10:27 pm. I feel like shit still. I think I should just go back to sleep. I waste my life away … I never do anything else because I mentally and physically have no energy . I don’t eat anymore beside I’m not hungry. I am just exhausted. Thanksgiving is in a couple of days and I don’t even think I wanna be around for it. I don’t want to […]
Some of you may be waking up .. Some may be sleeping. I wish you all a good day , or a good sleep. 🙂 hope you are are doing well
i just was surfing YouTube and came across this . This just made me cry my eyes out and I really don’t even know why. I think I can’t relate my story and life to hers . I wasn’t in foster care and my parents didn’t beat me , but I was alone . My dad took me away from my mom when I was young because she was an addict . I remember when I would visit her I would find spoons and needles and pills all over the house . She was killing her self with these drugs. I saw what was once […]
if you saw my last picture and you see this you will notice a huge difference . This is what depression will do. I don’t do my hair anymore or take care of my self . Because I honestly just don’t have the energy. I’m not even the quite bit happy in this. That is a fake smile . You might not be able to see my skin and how drained it looks . The circles under my eyes .
When my friend showed me this I […]
That day was one of the best days I’ve had . That’s my step sister on the right . This pictures was taken in 2014. We went out on my granny’s boat in June and it was so sunny and warm and we watch the sunset and ate on the beach. I was so content and full that day . I spent time with my family and it was fun. Most days aren’t like that . That day was great . I had no worries in mind […]
No one understands this feeling . It drives me fucking insane because I can’t explain it. I feel like I’ve been sucked into darkness and I can’t get out of it. I feel like I’m starting to feel nothing and that scares me . I’d rather feel everything .. I am so alone . I’m so alone in this big world . There are so many people do why can’t I find a few that I can be friends with? I literally do not fit in with anyone . No one understand me . Know one listens to the music like I do , or […]
OI keep trying to tell my self that I don’t feel this way but I do. I want to lull myself so badly . But I’m scared . I don’t like my life at all . Everything is so messed up. I wish to be asleep forever. I’m so depressed. I don’t like anything . I feel like nothing . I want to go .
It is sad to think that today you would have been 19.. I feel like people all around nd me die so young . Probably even for you all. Good souls are taken every day . Kids are being diagnosed with cancer at 2, people are being killed by terrorists, or even getting into a car accident . He died just a 2 months […]
Today is so shitty . And I don’t know why. I’m sad . And angry today . I’m so tired too . I’m sitting in the back at work because I feel like I’m gonna be sick. And I listen to this song . It reminds me of me . I’m sad . Life is horrible . and I don’t like my life . I don’t think I amhappy . I am happy when I get new clothes , or my love talks to me. or when I eat food . But other than that I hate life . I am always so fucking tired […]
I just heard this song for the first time in such a long time . It makes me sad . It reminds me so much of my mom. And I really wish she was here to of help me grow up and see my life and just be here with me . She’s gone forever . But this song also reminded me of the happiest time of my life when I was 15. This was my favorite song . I went to a Pink Floyd tribute concert the day after Christmas with all my friends and I was just so happy and carefree . Triggered […]
I always have dreams about a friend who killed him self when he was on lsd. He took it and walked onto the interstate and ran in front of a car and died later in the hospital . We all knew he committed suicide . He always told us he wouldn’t live to see 21 but none of us knew he was depressed . But in my dreams he’s always giving me life talks and cheering me up . I really feel like it has a meaning. I really think he’s visiting me in a way .
Thinking about my teen years makes me really sad . When I was a little younger a lot of my friends were couple of years older then me, in their 20s. And I did a lot of drugs with them.. Too much lsd and psychedelics, cocaine, smoked a lot of weed, pills. yeah you get the point . I honestly started not to care as a teen and after I was off drugs I was always really sad . IÂ didnt have really friends when I went through this stage . I remember a time when I took a Xanax and two tabs of acid and […]