Thinking about my teen years makes me really sad . When I was a little younger a lot of my friends were couple of years older then me, in their 20s. And I did a lot of drugs with them.. Too much lsd and psychedelics, cocaine, smoked a lot of weed, pills. yeah you get the point . I honestly started not to care as a teen and after I was off drugs I was always really sad . I didnt have really friends when I went through this stage . I remember a time when I took a Xanax and two tabs of acid and I was trippin way to hard, plus I really didn’t have any control of my body . This girl freaked me out and my other friends wanted to leave so I drove buT I was so out of it . I don’t even remember driving really . My friends thought we were going to die, because of my bad choice . I did so much stupid shit . Highschool was hard for me . I was different than everyone . Just thought differently and everyone just thought of me as a druggie . Now that I’m out I just don’t really have friends . Well I just got back in touch with old friends I grew up with and we’ve been hanging . I’m just disappointed in my past … I wish I did better things than drugs and partying. I was never in clubs and shit like that at school , but I was really smart . Almost straight As with AP classes . But to get to the point doing all that stuff as a teen really has an effect on me today . I mean I just got out of highschool . Things haven’t really changed . I wasted some of the great years of my life . I could have been figuring out what I was good at … My purpose . So on. I think I know who I am today . But I still don’t know my purpose. But I’m not really motivated for anything . But I want to be . But I’m tired. I want to feel enlightened. I wanna be full.
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Not a happy childhood.
But you can heal it with a better future.
I pretty much flew the straight and narrow in HS. I was in all sorts of clubs and made sure I kept a C average. So I did accomplish things but so what?
Once I got to college I really let loose. LSD was my drug of choice. I’m proud that I walked off the mental edge of the world and found my way back. Some kids get to go to Europe and come back changed. I got an exceptionally through tour of the inside of my own mind. Did me a world of good.
Sometimes life is what you get out of it. Sometimes you don’t realize what you’ve gotten out of it until 10, 20, 30… years later.
Looking back at just about any period of your life and pronouncing “that was a waste” is simply another lie depression feeds you. Another excuse for beating yourself down.
Today is what is important. Having as much positive energy you can muster to deal with today is important. The value of yesterday will be apparent at unpredictable times, so don’t sweat it.