NiDDA

But what the fuck does it matter when he treats me as a friend?

Yes, even pretty girls can end up in the friend zone.

Fuck this situation.

I am not looking for partners, just people to talk with.

Last time I took almost 400 mg Klonopin to die on a rope and it didn’t even made me sleepy, what the fuck is wrong with me?

Do you know what it feels like to be strangled to death? First, you feel the pressure in your throat. Your eyes water, and you start to taste something very, very sour in your mouth. Then it’s like someone lights a match right in the middle of your chest, and that fire grows. It fills your lungs, and your throat, and all the way behind your eyes. And finally, that fire turns to ice; like pins and needles of ice are sticking into your fingers, your toes, your arms. You see stars, then darkness. And the last thing you feel… is cold.

Rope and pills are […]

I am thinking about it, and I am interested in your experiences.

Today after I got fired from my shitty job, and after finding out that the plant what I believed to be hemlock was wild carrot (which almost looks like hemlock) leaving me without any peaceful way to go, I decided to go to psych hospital voluntarily tomorrow. I searched for any other poisoning plants but I had no luck. I tasted oleander, but I knew I would threw up after the first leave because it tasted bitter af and I can’t stand bitter things. Fuck, even my life is bitter enough.

I know I wouldn’t harm myself in violent ways like slicing and dicing, or hang myself, […]

I saw my ex has a new gf after 5 months. Never felt this suicidal. Jugged down a bottle of wine already but it doesn’t help.

Just went through my options again, but found only painful or no-can-do options again. I saw photos of dead suicide bodies in many ways just to get used to it that some day, when I’ll be brave or something, I will look like them.

I am alone. I am so fucking alone that I have no one to talk to, no one to have fun with. I am not myself, not the girl I was. Fuck, I was a woman, a grown up woman and now I am a train wreck.

Sometimes I feel okay, I even have goals, plans, I am almost happy, but sometimes I cry and want to die so badly. How the fuck could I get out of this spinwheel? HOW?

It’s not about why die.
It’s about why continue to live. I can’t think of a single reason.
I guess I’m just not loveable.

I know from the day I first visited this web site, that it’s a sign of trouble, when I am here. And here I am again, feeling down, planning to end it. It’s been over 7 months since I’ve been extremely suicidal. I had ups and downs, but I am down again, and I want out again. Fuck this life. I shouldn’t be bornt ever.