It’s raining
I used to love the sound of rain. It calmed me. It drizzled through the leaves in the tree in the rose garden when we huddled together and ate sushi one afternoon. That is all gone now. Gone forever.
It’s raining
I can see her dancing in the yard with nothing but a big floppy hat. The rain made her happy. It washed away all of her tears and all of her fears. There are no more tears. She is no more.
It’s raining
How I loved to walk in the rain. Walking for miles on end. I could leave everything I hated, and that […]
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Fuck. I don’t have a drop of spit left in me. I knew when I lost my job a month ago that I would need more energy to turn things around but I am sinking fast. I decided to forget about pounding the pavement for another I.T. job and start looking for freelance recording and voice-over gigs. This I can do from home and I have all the hardware I need and I have the chops to do it.
The problem is I still need to get organized, refresh my skills and dig everything out of the closet to get set up. But I am just […]
Simply food for thought.
I’m not posting this as an encouragement or a deterrent, nor is it meant to prove or disprove evidence of a life beyond death. I simply found it to be very interesting within the context of things I am familiar with.
– peace
for something completely different.
Music flowed from my hands
at one time
but no more
Love poured from my soul
at one time
but no more
Sunshine, warm and healing flooded my window
at one time
but no more
Someone delighted in my touch
at one time
but no more
I was paid fairly and respected at work
at one time
but no more
I could chase seagulls and climb sand dunes
at one time
but no more
I could follow my dreams
at one time
but no more
I had something to give to my fellow man
at one time
but no more
My life was an adventure, not a nightmare
at one time
but no […]
Also known as “manifestation”.
I have known a few people over the past few years that actively practice these “principles”. Most of them appear to be doing just what they want and are wildly successful. You may have seen accounts on the internet about people like this that seem to have everything they want with little or no real effort. Of course that is their take on their situations so it’s a bit difficult to determine what may be reality vs. simply their perception. I mean, I have also known people that dug up and fixed broken sewer pipes for a living and that were […]
I don’t understand why some people are so comfortable in their own skin and others (like me) would give just about anything to climb out of my body and beat it to death with a stick? I mean right now, if I had the most gorgeous and intelligent female on the planet hitting on me or begging me for attention I would cower away because as lonely and touch-starved as I am I creep myself out.
The thing that makes this all so illogical is that when we are comfortable and confident with ourselves we actually attract other people regardless of how imperfect our physical presence […]
I am too fucking old to go through losing my home and going down the ghetto life’s road with welfare, being homeless and all that shit. I’ve done this too many times. In the last week I’ve lost my job of over ten years, crashed my car and lost my medical insurance. Believe it or not the loss of medical coverage is the most devastating. COBRA costs almost $1000 a month to continue my coverage – not a viable option without a job. So now I sit, waiting for my medications to run out and decisions on unemployment insurance, O’ Blotto Care and the like. […]
What else can I say? I was clinging to the hope of things getting better last week. Then I got it. Right between the eyes. I’ve had a good run at my job that lasted over ten years – great relationships with the past three CEO’s and then the one bad ape the has wanted the job forever but just couldn’t slither her way in finally got her foot in the door right when her best friend was still board chair. Three people staged a coup and forced the current boss out and slipped the ***** in. I’ve know for several years by the questions […]
Wednesday – my official day off. My daughter works at the same office so I dragged myself out of bed and drove her to work. I would usually stop for a bite to eat on the way home but I’ve felt like puking for three days so I just went home, back to bed and waited for the sun to make my room too hot to tolerate again.
I ran out of pain meds days early so the “rationing” has me fighting withdrawal again. I don’t see the quacktitioner until Friday and the HMO I have wants all their patients off pain meds so thy don’t […]
I am suddenly compelled to post this. Maybe someone other than me needs to see it, I don’t really know. But I follow my intuitions, trouble or not.
-peace
… the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
… the courage to change the things I can
… the wisdom to know the difference
And the courage to blow my fucking head off.
I am frightened of what tomorrow will bring. I wish I had a cyanide cap.
Everything has caught up to me again and I am once again obsessed with putting a bullet in my brain. I should have seen it coming – I’ve let things build up. Old ghosts, a recent death of someone once more important to me than life itself, old pain and new pain. The shit has piled up on me and I am suffocating.
I should know better. I should deal with things as they come. But I just can’t. I don’t have that much control over my own life. I am such a useless piece of crap to myself and to everyone around me. It doesn’t […]