No one wants to talk to me. I’m so depressed and empty that no one wants anything to do with me anymore. It’s like I’m not even there. I have no friends, only people that use me when it’s convenient for them. I’m just so sad and lonely.
Why am I still here.
Today is the day I planned on killing myself. I’ve been trying to get everything taken care of before hand but I’ve run out of time. I still have some things to do today and one I found out I can’t do until tomorrow. I won’t be able to try again until next friday, when I can drive to the location. So now, I either have to say fuck it and let my family deal with the loose ends or wait another week. I guess I’ve waited this long, another week will be okay. .Sigh.
I am so tired. So tired of being so damn sad all the time. Tired of feeling lonely in a room full of people. Tired of feeling like I’m always on the outside. Tired of life.
The article is below but thisÂ is my plan. It says he may have not been completely submerged and was floating face up when they found him, an hour later. I was planning to jump backwards and figured I would just drown if I didn’t die on impact but now maybe I’ll go bellyfirst. I really don’t want to survive this.
A man remained hospitalized on Thursday after a jump off the Mackinac Bridge.
Lt. Rob Scott said the Coast Guard told WWJ Newsradio the 911 call came in at around 6 a.m.
â€œA driver that was crossing the Mackinac Bridge witnessed a parked vehicle and somebody that had just jumped off of the bridge,â€ said Scott.
Scott said fog was a problem for the Coast Guard crew, who took about an hour to reach the scene. When they arrived, they found the man floating face up in the water.
Is Scott surprised the jumper survived?
â€œWell, 75 feet is not a huge distance to fall â€¦ The water temperature, of course, is cold,â€ said Scott. â€œBut depending on his health when he entered [the water] â€¦ He was floating, so he may not have been completely submerged.â€
Scott said the man was Â lucid and responsive when the rescue crew arrived, even though he had been in the chilly water for an hour.
Itâ€™s unclear why the man jumped. His condition was unknown Thursday afternoon.
His name was not released.
The rescue took place as the stateâ€™s business and political leaders were arriving by the hundreds on nearby Mackinac Island for theÂ Detroit Regional Chamberâ€™s Mackinac Policy Conference.
I told my husband I am going to kill myself. I told him my plan. He said if I really want to there’s nothing he can do to stop me. So there you have it.
I see myself driving to the bridge. I see myself popping some pills and driving. it’s the middle of the night and its pitch black outside. I reach the halfway point in the bridge, I slow down and pull over. I have my backpack neatly prepared on the passenger seat. I leave it there to be found. Inside is my cell phone and my journals. its so clear and I am calm. I exit my car and head to the rail. I climb over take one last breath and fall backwards into the water. These thoughts make me feel free. The urge is getting stronger and my visualizations are vivid it feels real.
My original plan was to jump off the golden gate bridge. However, it’s on the other side of the country and will be a year or longer until I can get out there. Now I’m contemplating the mackinac bridge. It doesn’t have a pedestrian walkway, so that poses an issue. I could just drive halfway, ditch the car and jump. This bridge is much closer to me. 4-5 hours I think. I could go anytime. The downfall is I wanted to see California but if the outcome of either place is the same (death) then I guess it doesn’t really make a difference does it?
I will spare you my sob story. Here’s what you need to know. I am 23, married and a stay at home mom to a 4 year old little girl. I have been depressed since I was a child. I have times where I am okay but I always end up feeling depressed more often than not. I first considered suicide around 13 years old but never really had intentions or means to do so. In my family mental disorders are not considered medical and I would be told to just get over it.
Now, present day I am more depressed than ever. I think about suicide on a daily basis and have become almost numb to the idea. Obviously I’m still hanging on. The only reason is for my daughter but I can’t help but feel like she would thrive if she was not being held back by my anxieties and depression. I want to live. I want to see her grow up but my demons are taking over my head and killing myself is mostly all I think about.
My problem is I have had bad experiences with doctors in the past. I have never discussed my depression with a doctor, I’ve just had bad experiences in general and been given the run around that we are all familiar with.
I need to know how to make myself go and tell a doctor I need help. Just the thought of telling a doctor I have thoughts of suicide, feel sad most days and I am extremely irritable makes me feel even worse. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I have finally come to accept that I need to get help to live an active and healthy lifestyle for my daughter. I want to be better and I want to set an example. Even making the appointment is a challenge Â Making phone calls has always been hard for me, I’ve somehow developed anxiety and hate calling anyone. I feel helpless.Â