I will spare you my sob story. Here’s what you need to know. I am 23, married and a stay at home mom to a 4 year old little girl. I have been depressed since I was a child. I have times where I am okay but I always end up feeling depressed more often than not. I first considered suicide around 13 years old but never really had intentions or means to do so. In my family mental disorders are not considered medical and I would be told to just get over it.
Now, present day I am more depressed than ever. I think about suicide on a daily basis and have become almost numb to the idea. Obviously I’m still hanging on. The only reason is for my daughter but I can’t help but feel like she would thrive if she was not being held back by my anxieties and depression. I want to live. I want to see her grow up but my demons are taking over my head and killing myself is mostly all I think about.
My problem is I have had bad experiences with doctors in the past. I have never discussed my depression with a doctor, I’ve just had bad experiences in general and been given the run around that we are all familiar with.
I need to know how to make myself go and tell a doctor I need help. Just the thought of telling a doctor I have thoughts of suicide, feel sad most days and I am extremely irritable makes me feel even worse. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I have finally come to accept that I need to get help to live an active and healthy lifestyle for my daughter. I want to be better and I want to set an example. Even making the appointment is a challenge Â Making phone calls has always been hard for me, I’ve somehow developed anxiety and hate calling anyone. I feel helpless.Â
It was very difficult for me the first time telling about depression and mental disorders to my doctor. and he was quite impatient which made it even worse. If you have access to a local suicide counselling place, it’s probably a better place to start with as counselors are willing to spend more time to listen and they usually have lots of resources on medical places can refer you to them. Also, I find it was helpful writing things down and bring it to the counselor as I almost always get nervous in person and therefore difficult to express what’s really important. I was communicating with my doctor for quite sometime just by writing and it worked okay. I hope you find the help that’s needed. best wishes.