i think im getting better. im not eating what i should be but im eating. Last week hit me hard,but i survide its just i dont now how much i can surivie anymore. this up coming summer will be my 4 year dealing with an eating disorder and depression i just want all te pain to go away.
i think i want to quit dance. sure i love being consider “a good dancer” but this year isn’t like last. I’ve joined cheerleading this year and its really fun and so are the people! dance just doesn’t feel the same anymore, i wish i could go to the past and be happy. the truth is i feel really selfish i have alot more than some people have and i know i should be happy and myself but… im not! I dont even want to compete anymore. i just want to be happy again and cheer makes me feel like that i love trying to […]
S this so my sencom half to mnfriend Preston:) I found out yesterday that he was suicidal like me…. He’s Alive:) he was at school today!! And he seemed better but I could tell inwa kinda hard for him, someone asked him why he was crying yesterday andnhr was like it’s personally I can’t really talk about it. Thankfully the kid was just Like okay. When he asked him why Preston kinda looked at me but I didn’t say anything. At lunch idk I couldn’t at by him but I was looking at him rery while or so and he seemed fine:) I think he’s […]
Today my friends we actin weir and I found out at dance that one of them is/was going ti himself i feel like a ***** and I would call him “deppreston” I didn’t know he was actually depressed. I feel Luke a freshing asshole and has dumb as it is I’m jealous that he had the guts to tell someone about it. I dint wan him to die!!! Im so scared because he wrote s note dating that he’s gonna kill himself!!! Preston If you happen to see this, I’m so sorry I wasnt there for u I was in my own he’ll hole…. Ad […]
Things are eying a little better:) pray I found out I made yearbook!!!! An it was funn metting new peoPle! On Monday I cHer Tryouts I hope u make it!! Ad tonight I jar dance….. Dance this year has been changeling but I think I can manage! 🙂 wish me luck! Today I haven’t throthen up I think I’m starting to heal after all of this pain.
Halloween= candy= food= eat = self conious = throwing up = feeling like shit=. Crying all nigh = horrible next day
The next 24 hrs r going to be horrible, but wish me luck:) happy haloween guys. I love you all and thank you for everything!! Haha I’m being a bunny:)) I never would have thought that this I’d what my last halweenncostusme would be but angainn I never thought I would be this depressed or sucidal, buy here I am:'( anyway byE guys have a great day and ill see u later tonight if u know what I mean.
I know that probally sounded like […]
I guesse today is just one of those days you know when ur head hurts and u don’t feel like eating but when u go down to eat dinner with ur “family” and hen u end up eating fast and run up stairs to he bathroom and end up throwing it all up. I felt this coming but I could reasite I had too. And then ur “family” calls upstairs that we’re leaving in 5 mins and u have to go so u panic and r makeup is ruin and I have 3 mins to fix myself. I can’t live like this anymore, hiding […]
I try and try, but whatever I do I screw up. It’s always my fault. I’m tired of trying to act like myself, I know I’m falling into a hole an I’m so scared. Im talking less and less buy know one is noticing. You know why be asue none cares I’m just taking up space! Im not even trying anymore to put up a act.
I feel shitty ad ugly every single day! I’m not happy in this life anymore.
I realized that I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live.
I don’t now what I want anymore, it’s like I’m living in a fog/haze I’m not studying I’m not trying hard in dance I’m not evening trying to put up a front.
I would kill myself, but I’m afraid of the pain
I’m starting too not want too talk to my family I just go up too my bedroom and stay up there then go down stairs for dinner say a quick “hi” and then eat then go too my bed for the rest of the night.
I’m taking up space I know it […]
I’m so sorry I failed you I honestly don’t now where our friendship went wrong. Could blame it on rose ad say that she stole you form me by I was e one who said we should give her a chance and be nice to her. Maybe it was with the fight over springbreak but I can’t even remember what it was a about anymore. I’m so sorry that you feel that you have o replace me but jut knownthe reason I didn’t invite you was because it wasnonly my dance friends okay we barely see each other anymore and I wanted to hangout with […]
Last year at this time I was high on life ad thought nothing could go worn(I wasn’t ACtually high just like happy high) and now this year I’m so close to sucide and it sucks. I can feel myself being dragged I to a hole I want to escape but I know I have to go into this dark tunnel. I want to give up dance I loved being called a good dance but with that Ryle every one expects u to be a amazing or they want to bet you or your friends don’t talk to you anymore because they think your being snotty […]
i feel like im going in inase i keep on talking to myself and im getting crept out by my self. im trying so hard to be HAPPY again for the first time in a really long time but its so hard. so my mom made me practice a 10 sencond part for 10 minutes because SHE didnt thinkit was good enough and tonight i was doing a project on her laptop adn she keept on bugging in adn tellling me what to do!!!! i am so close to a breakdown right now i literally have tears in my eyes while im writing this. i […]
i just wanted to say thank you to you guys you have helped me with soo much it. talking to you guys masde me feel like im not alone adn that other people feel the way i do too:). I’m trying to be happy i tried to do it awhile back but someone thing happended and i cracked</3. I’ve decieded not to tell my parents that i probally have reacurring deppresion becasue… well 1 i ont want them to think im screwed up and 2 im afariad of’ve what everyone else will think of me…. anyway THANK YOU GUYS SOO MUCH!!<3333 I PROBALLY WOULNT BE […]
FUCK IT THE NICE GIRL IS GONE IM SO DONE OF’VE BEING GOOD IM A BAD GIRL<3 FUCK EVERYONE IM DONE YOU’VE GUYS HAVE DROVEN ME TO SOMEONE WHO I NEVER WANTED TO BECOME BUT HERE I AM
i’m so tired for fighting for life trying to think it’ll be okay but it never will. since school as started all fo these things have happend:
I lost my bestfriend
I was moved to the sencond line in dacne (when in reality im a first line danceer!)
I’ve cried almost ever night adn then i only get 2 or 3 hours of sleep and after/during im crying i become sucidial
I feel like shit
I feel so ugly
i can’t even be happy for my little brothers birthday party tommorw hes turinging 1 adn guesse what im going to be doing the whole time having a smle on my face […]
I’m so f—— done! i just keep getting screwed over, i knew i shouldn’t have trusted her but i wanted my bestfriend friend back so much that i let done my wall that i had built up! Today at dance for my lyrical i got in the front line but off to the side! i’ve worked my butt off to get where i am now and i made a higher team than all of them so if anything i should be doing solos here and getting parnter parts and i should be in the center! not some newbie its just not fair plain! an in […]
So today i almost broke down it was a tough day and it’s lke i can feel that tommorows gonna be a tough day too but i’ll survie right?? i mean i kinda have too. tommorw goals:
surive ( i have a sleepover with my friend if you look back at some of my earlier post i talk about her and yes she is the one who was calling em names adn stuuf but she said she wants to put in the past and that shes really sorry and that her parents might be getting a divorced so she took it out on me but i […]
Everyday it’s sill is a scary road but i feel like i can see the light? maybe possibily im not gonna lie and say thats school,dance, and my friendships are easy this year, but im triying to pull through and look towards the future. I will get through this it’s just a bump in the road?? No i guesse i was ment to go through this i know how cheesy it sounds like ” oh yeah im strong blah blah blah” but im gonna say i am because i know im not im just saying im taking one step at a time and hey i haven’t […]
Last night i decide that im going to try to be happy and not let being depressed adn sucidial get to me:)
what I’m doing is…
I’m having sleeppovers more so that If i do haeva breakdown I most likely won’t do it in front of friends and then i won’t get sucidial thoughts in my brain
I’m going to try hareder in dance yes i did make the second line but im first line worthy adn i im pretty sure my teacher nows that so im going to kick but on thursday!
im going to study harder i mean good grades won’t happen on there own!:)
 I’m also im […]
earlier this week i was planning on killing myself this weekend. but as the weekend went on i coulnd never find a perfecttime to do it . and i think thats because there isn’t a perfect time. everything in my life is slipping a away but im not ready to quite/back down! im up for a fight so i had one bad week READY OR NOT HERE I COME:)
Newer Posts