I have been suicidal for as long as I remember. I’ve had 2 suicide attempts…both with pill,s both failures. I’m always in pain. I’m always sick. I hate myself. I can’t keep a job. I have no friends….
But I was doing better. I’ve been seeing a therapist for almost a year now. I’ve had my current job for almost a year. I wasn’t happy, but I was close. Until July 4th. My Grandma passed away. We all knew it was coming. She was ready. She’d had Alzheimer’s for so long. I was close to her as a little girl. I spent my childhood at her house helping her garden, going Christmas shopping, watching Lifetime movies….
I can’t sleep. I don’t cry. I have constant headaches. Constant anxiety. I’m angry at everyone. Now what? Another attempt? Maybe. I’m lost.