Hi usually I visit here when I am preparing myself to get of this roller coaster joke called life.
I have had a few good rants and read others rants and sad stories.
I have succeeded in alienating my self from all my friends and most of my family . As was planned so I could just slip away.
I have problems with who I am. As I am gay oriented (maybe bi ) male brought up in a gay hateful environment I have grown up to be very homophobic myself. How this relates to me Is I hate myself for being gay. While I […]
I was taught to believe you exist and you are the creator of all things.
Through my own thought and reasoning I do believe you exist and I do believe you created all things as everything is too intricate and complicated to have happened by chance.
But as you are the creator, the point of origin of all existence, I feel you have some explaining to do.
As God and creator even if you created the big bang and evolution, you are singularly responsible for all things. This means you are evil. This means you are good. As these did not exist otherwise. Yes evil is your creation. […]
Hi I have been here a few times and always come back to see how people are doing and add a rant from time to time. It reminds me I am not the only one and I feel for every one here.
I constantly study how I can off my self and what holds me back. To date it has been an ever shrinking group of friends that I felt I needed or was needed by.
So the truth shall set you free. The truth will also drive your friends and family away from you. The exodus of my friends is now complete.
The truth is I am […]
I have no purpose. Can have no purpose. Can not be what I am. And can not have what I want. Can not escape. So need a distraction
I hate this world soooo much I know sooo much and feel like i cant do anything about it. Will i be hated for letting it all happen, Vodka keeps me sane, Meds keepp me sane and yet I need to put this evill to sleep but what is sane I have the peace in a bottle beside me allways beside me I know it works it worked by accident b4 […]
Ok I read here a lot and have posted here when I have been feeling way off he planet, which is increasing often now. I feel “ok” right now. But there are some things I want to know.
1st this is how it is:
Not always but in the mornings when I wake up can feel like a light switch in my brain has been switched off.    Feels/sounds like dousing a match in water like. Like waking up and then just deflating (Always Followed by nonfunctional bad days)
Generally allways being “aware” that im sad / horrible / hurting all the time. Not fitting in.( I would […]
With a heartbeat
dragged screaming from my rest
They cut me short.
Im a God whore now
Hiding under desks to hide away from people.
Whats with this Shyness
No dont do that
No Dont think that
Its Gods Will
Its wrong
Its Evil
They Laugh
They are Happy
Have Friends
They all going to hell
What is this wall
I can see you
What is wrong with me
Where is your sense of pride boy
Happy moments
Sad sack
There are people I love so much
And […]
I found this site the other day in just general misery… . It was weirdly comforting to have a read and a rant and see other people really feel just as crap as I do. Well since then I reckon i been on cloud nine. Like I have been able to work 2 full days without disapearing through the day, fixed broken stuff I have had about, cleaned stuff . May have forgotten to sleep a bit. But have felt like awesome like wow great like. In my awesomeness i fell off cloud nine hit the deck hard like cried all day been abundle of […]
If you saw me , met me, got to know me, the last impression you would get from me would be of suicidal tendacies and an evergrowing dependency on otc drugs for helping me sleep or feel good through through the day. Basically I am well mannerred well behaived outwoodly happy like socialble enough to make you believe im basically — ok..    However, I dont remember the last time I was happy. Infact I dont remember even if I ever was happy. I no how to pretend to appear happy. Thats not happy though. I have had friends. Good friends with families that have helped […]