I am sorry for being so selfish, but it selfish to ask me to stay. I have battled depression and forms of self harm for over ten years. I am tired, so tired! No one can say I didn’t try. I wish I was gone already and am angry that I was saved from my few death experiences. Not this time. I love my family. To them I am sorry that’s they should be so heart broken, but the death that I am speaking, I am living unspoken. I have all that I need, I am alone in this hotel room. No one knows […]
Two different roads
One goes to my head
another is attatched to my heart.
A stomach screaming to be fed
I am being ripped apart
By eyes gazing in the mirror
Shedding salt watered hate.
a disorder covering fear
Not dealing with my fate.
The road to my head
Is traveled all to well
By knowledge false beliefs lead
My mind is a constant hell.
The one that connects the heart
Is a journey for few brave friends.
Loving many who will never start.
Hiding where the forbidden road ends.
My roommates are gone, I am alone this weekend, I have the same pills in my car that old have killed me before had I not seen my crying mother. My Boyfriend has no idea I’m this screwed up, he tried calling me, I didn’t answer, what do you say when you’re forcing yourself to puke up your guts after eating a box of brownies. The Bulimia is back, damnit, why won’t Anna come back? I am so angry, I never asked to be saved from my eating disorder, I was so close to death, and my parents court ordered me to another hell treatment […]
I have come to two all-purpose conclusions, one: in general, life sucks. Two, everything has a reason; thus if the gravity of our world didn’t suck, then we’d all fall off. Everyday dawns another with a hope that something will happen to counteract the misery, but then there are some who wake up without hope. In their world, they suck and are victims to the gravity of invisible encasement promising happiness of lies. If you are happy, then you are lucky, you are not trapped. You like who you are, people like you, you trust they like you. Others of us face the doom of […]
The round colorful combination is deadly
Tomorrow this will all be through.
Finally an end to my torment
They’d understand if only they knew
Raising the glass and I open my hand…
The thoughts of loved flash through my head
I drop the pills to the floor
It’d kill tomorrow if today I was dead.
Upstairs working on the computer
An electric shock as I look at the plug
The reaction is deadly assisted with water
rising my little brother  tackles me with a hug.
I sit back down grimace him a smile.
I can’t kill myself infront of my brother
He’d be dissappointed if he knew this is all he had for a sister
I could not bear his […]
Death is so tempting when I’m so tired of life.
The blood is so painless drawn by a knife.
Suicide is so innocent only thinking how I’d try.
This life is so lonely when I don’t let myself cry.
I long to be dead and never take another breath.
The thing that I fear is a life beyond death.
Kill me I beg you quick and painless
So I can leave this world soon and shameless.
I love my life, but I hate myself.
I hate that I’m […]
So I tried to. Commit suicide a few months ago. I would have been successful with my attempt’ had I not looked out the car window I was hiding in and seen my mom crying trying to find me, so I came out and don’t remember much past that until acouple days latter when i woke hooked to machines. Since then I dream of dieing but can’t put my family through that again but for real, I  don’t think my dad would recover  from my suicide. A part of me wishes my parents would die so I could kill myself’ but for the time being […]