I don’t know if anyone else goes through this, but I don’t experience too much happiness because of the mind I have. My mind is my greatest bully. It tells me things that may or may not be. It over-analyzes things. It makes mountains out of molehills. When I’m happy, it’s ok. But when I am having a bad day, I’m really REALLY having a bad day. What do I do when I have a bad day? I think of suicide of course. My mind sets me up. It seems like it’s not mine sometimes. It’s like a voice that says…”no one cares”….or “no one will miss you”……or “you would […]
I think that there are bad times and good times. There has to be us sad loser folks to show the giddy happy people how they DON’T want to be. Light and darkness. We are the dark people, and we are meant to see darkness. We are the martyrs who are cursed to show everyone else how blessed they are. People never learn by education alone. They have to be shown. We don’t ever know what we have until it’s gone. Dark things happen to everyone, but you know the ones that are destined to darkness. They are the ones that don’t make it, so they can show the lighted people […]
People tell you to not kill yourself and they give you every fucking reason to do it. How’s about it’s my life and I will deal however I feel like I can to get over the pain. Someone hurts you and then tells you how to deal? That’s just bullshit. I believe if you don’t want to go through pain, you shouldn’t cause it in the first place. You can’t call yourself a good person and then go around using people. I never thought a piece of ass was so damn worth hurting someone over. Or money for that matter. I always thought that as […]
I try to be positive and I try to talk to people. I start smiling, and then something or someone comes along and f**ks it up. So yeah, others who deal with hard issues and live to tell the tail, Congrad-u-f**king-lations. The worst thing is not going through the bad times. The worst things is going through the bad times alone. Everyone deals with crap in their lives, but not everyone has the support or love from others. Some of us have to pay 75 f**king dollars for 50 min sessions to get our pain out in the open. The question is though, does this […]
Anyone ever get tired of helping everyone else and no one is around when you need help? It’s like HELLO! I’m here too. I have problems too. Even when people know you have depression issues, they still only talk to you when they have issues. That’s F**ked up. Excuse me, but it is. That’s how my friend killed herself. She helped everyone else, except herself. Are people that damn selfish. Oh help me. Help me, but don’t need me for anything? How’s about leave me the hell alone! If you can’t take the time to help me and listen to me rant, then buzz off. […]
Nothing makes this person want to blow their heads off or take an overdose cocktail more than the holidays. Nothing brings up anger, sadness, discontent, loneliness, and every bad moment in life than the holidays. Having a birthday close to Christmas and having to deal with the fa la la la la bs really doesn’t help. So yeah short and sweet: This blows in more ways than one. This blows and makes me want to blow my head off!
I want to know where in the bible that says all sins are forgivable except suicide. I was taught that Jesus died for our sins. All of them. So if we are forgiven, how is it that a person with a mental illness that commits suicide is automatically hauled off to hell? I lost a friend to suicide and yes I am suicidal occasionally, but I’m tired of hearing that she is doomed to hell. I don’t hear “I’m sorry for your loss” or “Do you need any help” from Christians. All I hear is “Oh she is going to burn in hell”. My friend […]
Rain makes you stay at home and think and think and think. Know what happens when you think too much? Bad things. Worse things happen when everyone forgets those to whom the rain hates.
My suicide thoughts come from not only the depression, but the repressed anger. I’ve written a journal, which is a sort of tell all book meant to be found by my family or anyone who finds it after my demise. My goal was a tell all! Tell the world what these people have done to me to bring me down to this lowly state. The thought of people standing over my cold body wondering why I would do such a thing, and then this book/disk get out. Those people who have hurt me will not be able to face society the same way again. I look […]
I’ve thought about it when I’ve been hopeless and sad, but now mostly it’s when I’ve been pissed off. I just want those who hurt me to suffer too. Guess everyone has felt this way before.