I try to be positive and I try to talk to people. I start smiling, and then something or someone comes along and f**ks it up. So yeah, others who deal with hard issues and live to tell the tail, Congrad-u-f**king-lations. The worst thing is not going through the bad times. The worst things is going through the bad times alone. Everyone deals with crap in their lives, but not everyone has the support or love from others. Some of us have to pay 75 f**king dollars for 50 min sessions to get our pain out in the open. The question is though, does this person really give a sh*t. 9 times out of 10, you are just another patient. I truly believe that in the end if I don’t kill myself, I will die in a shriveled up ball of ***. Some people aren’t as strong as others. Some only live for a little while. Some people aren’t allowed to be happy. We come to this earth just long enough, and then we leave. Quite often, we don’t get to choose how we go. We don’t choose to pull the trigger, but it gets pulled anyway.
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4 comments
Some people are a lot stronger than even they think they are. I’m not sure if happiness itself is ever really enough, since it’s such a fleeting and temporary thing, but I imagine it probably helps a bit. On the other hand, a person who’s used to being happy a majority of the time probably won’t have the fortitude to make it through the crap that life inevitably throws at people. For what it’s worth, though, you’re not alone; you’ve got us, at the very least. Probably doesn’t mean much coming from some strange person on a suicide forum, but it’s true.
I feel the same, no matter how I try, no matter how hard I smile, I am alone for everything. My life’s been a crap for many years and I had to go through everything on my own.
there is no substitute for the listening ear and understanding mind, of someone who genuinely cares. This is something that cannot be bought.
Also, regarding the title… this is one of the reasons i’ve found myself more and more disinclined toward trying to make things better: as soon as it starts getting better… BOOM! Something always inevitably hits you where you can’t defend, and wrecks your progress. Sometimes you even see it coming, miles away, and you still can’t avoid or deflect or absorb it. And all you can usually do is be as angry as possible that you couldn’t stop it or avoid it, or even just successfully cope through it, without letting it significantly disrupt your intended course.
I can relate to this so badly 🙁