My husband raped me. Twice. I can’t tell anybody because nobody would believe me and even if they did, they wouldn’t care. I can’t leave because I am unemployed and don’t have any money. I don’t want him to get in trouble. I want things to work out. I realize how stupid I sound. He just told me he’s been hiding thousands in credit card debt from me. This is the second time this has happened. He’s been lying about it for at least a year. The last time I wrote on here about him, somebody commented that I should “just talk to him and […]
Threw a party and nobody came. I guess it isn’t just my all in my head that I’m a shitty, horrible person. They really would be better off without me.
Huh… turns out mental health issues don’t go away with a new environment.
I relapsed and have pushed my best friend further away from me. She would be better off without me in her life. I have no place here.
Holidays make me feel the most alone. I’m numb.
I’m just so fucking lonely. People I thought I could turn to just don’t seem to care. I’m truly undeserving of love.
Everyone says reach out for help when you feel suicidal. A couple celebrities die and suddenly everyone cares so so much. What happens if you reach out and nothing happens? I’ve reached out. At 16 I told my doctor. “Hey, I don’t feel so great. My head feels heavy and I’m scared of everything and I thought it was just a phase, but I’ve felt sick for a long time now and I’m starting to feel like it’s not just my age anymore.” She told me I’d probably feel a lot better if I lost weight. If I attend her expensive nutrition classes and exercise […]
I wish I could be more present for everyone. I wish I could transform my empathy into a positive cause. I wish I could be the person that helps others. I wish I could say “things get better” and “life is worth living”. I wish I hadn’t lost my sense of self.
I feel like I don’t want to get better. I just want to give up. I’m exhausted.
Last night I crushed up 27 hydros and mixed them in water. While I was doing this my husband was sitting on the couch. His idea of comforting is silently staring at me or giving me the occasional “there, there” pat on the back. His eyes burn when he looks at me. He’s scared of me. Just like everyone else always has been.
I understand. Death is scary. I am someone who invites death. I’ve always been scared of living. I just wish he could be brave enough to talk me back. To look at me like I’m not scary long enough to make me think […]
I’ve been staring at this bottle of pills for over two hours now just waiting for someone to stop me. No one is going to.
Just had to pay for $5 worth of gas in borrowed quarters so I could get to a job interview. I’ve got a college degree that I thought I could use to help people with, and now I’m interviewing for a second minimum wage job. This whole living thing is really overrated.
I could say some bullshit about all the things that caused me to be depressed, but they won’t actually be what caused me to be like this. A lot of people have gone through my situation and been just fine, in fact my situation is probably really easy. I take full responsibility for being the way I am. I’m just not strong enough, not resilient. Maybe too gullible.
My parents divorced when I was five, it would have been worse if they had stayed together. Dad was an alcoholic and Mom was taking care of him more than she needed to be. There was that small […]