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Reaching out.

by Piratemermaid

Everyone says reach out for help when you feel suicidal. A couple celebrities die and suddenly everyone cares so so much. What happens if you reach out and nothing happens? I’ve reached out. At 16 I told my doctor. “Hey, I don’t feel so great. My head feels heavy and I’m scared of everything and I thought it was just a phase, but I’ve felt sick for a long time now and I’m starting to feel like it’s not just my age anymore.” She told me I’d probably feel a lot better if I lost weight. If I attend her expensive nutrition classes and exercise I won’t want to die anymore. She has a point, I think as I cut my thigh open and dream of a flat stomach. I reached out to my mom. She saw the cuts on my wrist and asked me about them. “I feel like I need to hurt myself sometimes and I don’t know why.” She slapped me. I stopped reaching out for a long time. When I was 22 I reached out to another doctor. She asked me if I had anyone I could turn to when I was feeling suicidal. “I don’t really feel comfortable telling other people, but I think of my cats and they make feel a little better.” She laughed, confirming how pathetic I felt. I think I don’t want to reach out anymore. People talk about having other people that help tether them to sanity and happiness. What happens when there is no one to reach out to? When there is no tether?

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SweetQuietus 7/8/2018 - 5:41 pm

Unfortunately, your negative experiences with mental health “professionals” is not unique. BUT, there are some good therapists out there.

Maybe, just maybe, not every psychiatrist out there thinks s/he’s a god and you’ll be seen like a human being and not a source of revenue.

A relative of mine recently tried to end his life and the help he received has improved his outlook.

Be an advocate for yourself. And if I ever meet your mother, I’ll be sure to “slap” some sense into her.

MajorScrewUp 7/9/2018 - 6:54 am

Thinking about your card isn’t pathetic. People always think my weight is my biggest problem too. It’s not. When I was 100 pounds lighter I still wanted to die. It’s not stupid to use something or someone you love to go another day. It’s dependent but who cares. It’s not pathetic.

WanderingDreamer91 7/30/2018 - 4:06 pm

Geez, what is wrong with these people? πŸ™

This is why I think things are backwards sometimes, that “normal” is abnormal and “abnormal” is normal, and it often leads me to feel hurt and confused that I can’t seem to act on what’s different for everyone else but feels normal for me…

I found all of these responses to be really unhelpful. πŸ™

Though you SP users, you guya do. :O

But yeah, I wish your mom was more concerned whether or not she was angry like saying you should never try to do that again and shd loves you… but I mean did she even say anything besides just slapping you? o.o What’s that supposed to do, just make you feel stupid…? Geez, how helpful… like, that’s just going to cause more problems. πŸ™ How can people be that ignorant and stupid…?

Also, while exercising and dieting and being healthy might make you feel better it’s not like it’s going to magivally solve everything if like, you have no friends or you’re failing school or you have an abusive and dysfunctional lifestyle with your family and so on…

Like, these physical or external issues need to be solved more than just simply having a nice body or something…

And there’s nothing wrong with liking your cute kitties. πŸ™ It’s nice to habe any companionship at all if you’re lonely…

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