I tell you I hate you every time I feel like saying I love you. I never want to seem crazy but I feel crazy crazy that once again I have failed feeling too much over a course of months. My father said love was a myth for the fools. How mythical of me to fall in love with a fool. Poor little fool who can’t seem to love me. If only he had the ability to feel what I feel how I feel it we’d be able to prove daddy wrong. So instead I say the second strongest word I feel hate because I […]
I don’t know how to love you anymore. I wish I could have known I was going to fall in love with you when I met you then I would have done you a favor and left you alone. I had the lowest expectations for you FOR US. I thought this would have ended with failure , just a fling of failure that’s all I wanted. But now it just time to say goodbye we’ve given this try and maybe sometimes that’s all that matters. But I’m going so freaking crazy that the word crazy doesn’t even fit the description of how I feel. You […]
and in this life never did I see so much hurt and pain. As a child I was attracted to the light to the happiness but as I grew older and realized that you can’t plan life that little dream of mine grew distant and blurry I knew that I’d have to runaway to find this dream of mine. My dream house grew colder day by day and suddenly i was no longer attracted to the light. Happiness made me uncomfortable I knew how quickly it could all end. I felt company with the darkness being happy felt lonely. We are told so many stories […]
if you were reading me i’d be scared because then you’d really know how bad I get without you how bad I’ve been but I guess I enjoy the satisfaction that even if you read how crazy I was you’d at least find out how you were the only one who kept me sane for a little while. Sane is probably the wrong word HAPPY? HEALTHY? I don’t know lively to say the least. You see without you I see how filthy the world has become you were the best distraction you were the only good man my only good man. Oh how we talked […]
Cinderella , Sleeping beauty , Little mermaid , Snow White.. these are the princesses who get a happily ever after. What about my story? Can someone tell me about the evil psychotic bi polar disoriented Witch who still finds a prince charming who finds her worthy?
Have you ever wanted someone to give you everything. You spent forever obssesing over it getting emotionally drained over what you need and not focusing on what you are given. I realized a little too soon… too late that even if he gave me what I wanted I still wouldn’t know what to do with it. Thats just logic. A WOMAN WHO ACTS LIKE A CHILD WITH MEN LOOKING FOR COMFORT AND REGECTION. LOVE ME LOVE ME I told him when I don’t even love myself. So I left him before he could leave me so I could fix myself and become worthy but all I […]
Out of all the boys in high school I fell deeply for the emotionally unavailable. This person who I would like nothing more than to give all of myself too has never felt love. While guys were in there room every night playing video games he was working or running errands for his mother. Not your average teenager he was a man. As psychotic and bi polar as I can be …as I am I was always my best with him but its hard for me to express my emotions to someone who I knew liked me so much but never said anything. So there […]
Smiths anyone? Well if anyone can relate to this song this is for you and I. If a movie was made about me I visualize myself walking down the side of a road or through a park on a gloomy day and this song will be playing for at least the whole intro. But, this is life and we all know there aren’t really movies waiting for us. However I must say that with all the other thoughts that go on in this mind of mine I like to pretend I’m being filmed that way I know I’ve had enough vile things happen to me giving me the right […]
Joining the suicidal project not because I am suicidal God knows Iv’e never been ballzy enough to even atempt. However, these dark thoughts have haunted me and I’m completely lost in the problems of child hood and self demolition. I have became who I’ve never wanted to be like my father… and i am scared to be come what my biggest fear my mother. Anyways here I come , just another dark post.