Kids are a blessing and a curse… Wanting to die so badly but not wanting to leave them… I love my babies so much… as unhappy as i am in life, i can’t bare to part from them… is this weakness or strength???? i can no longer tell….. if it’s strength, it doesn’t feel like it… All i feel is weak, broken, empty, and trapped… i wish for my end but i can never manage to force my own hand… Is this what my life shall remain or is there any hope left that things will change for me
He talks to me like im stupid and a bad mother. Im terrified of him as well…. im so far from home ive got no way to get back there away from him… im trapped here forever I guess…
It’s not a cry for help. Its my way of saying Im fading away and nobody can do shit about it.
I hate this unborn thing. I wish I could get rid of it but the father wants it. Im too far along to get a pill abortion. Most people I know are excited about the thing. I dont feel any connection to it. I HATE it. Im not ready for a leech Im never going to love. I wish it would hurry up and die so I can get back to my life or death or whatever Im looking for. I hate you leech. I will never learn to love you. I HATE YOU!
If i put on a fake smile and pull down my sleeves, they wont know and they wont get mad at me… they still dont know what happened that day… or the other days… im ashamed and scared to tell them the whole story…
I keep thinking about going to therapy again… it never helped me before though… I dont know what to do… i dont exactly have cash on hand for an appointment… Admit myself back into a hospital???… ive never been with a bunch of other adults though… just adolescents… im too terrified of the adults there… would i have to stay for a really long time??? how much would i have to pay for it??? is it even worth it at all??? a knife or water can end it all much faster for me with little to no major pain… id be free, well, sort of… […]
i have none… no friends… not a single one that i can talk to or go hang out with regularly… my friends that i use to have dont speak to me anymore… 4 of them are dead… 2 died by suicide. 1 by heart failure. and 1 by motorcycle accident… im all alone… ive never really been a social person… i dont know how to make friends. im out of school and living with my careless bf and his family… im 18 years worth of nothingness… almost 19… *sigh* i fucking hate everybody i know… i wish to know someone else…
if someone pointed a gun to me and was going to shoot me, id take the gun and do it myself… nobody will get the satisfaction that they killed me except for me… theyve all caused me enough pain as it is. i wont let them finish what they started so maybe theyll have the feeling of being incomplete and empty wondering why it couldnt have ended their way… someone try and drown me… help me set myself free…
i dont know why im so weak… why cant i just go already???… i hate being here… if i go to a psychiatrist theyd prescribe me medicine… i could die from OD but thats not the way i want to go… i hate living… im done with feeling like this all the time… im sick of just sitting here thinking about suicide… i need to hurry up and do it… maybe then for once in my life i can be truly happy…
Why do I remember still? Why can’t I forget? And why do they keep reminding me how useless I am???… I just want to escape everything… be happy and free for once… I don’t care if I fall asleep and never wake up again… in fact, I welcome that..
i just started cutting again. word of advice… taking 7 Aleve to get rid of a headache only intensifies it. ugh… i feel awful… i am at school right now. i was about to slit my throat in the restroom but some ***** walked in & i had to hide the blade fast.
congradulations dad. you fucked up again. getting married without asking me about it first… making us move into this bug infested disgusting thing you freaks call a house. the walls are rotted. there is no cell phone service. i have a tiny room compared to the one i had before. i have to leave my stuff shoved under my bed and crammed in the closet because there is nowhere to fit it all. your room is worse than mine. and you yell at me and ground me because my stuff “isnt where its supposed to be”. im sick of it. why do my thoughts suddenly […]
anyone know any good tips on running away?
…………………
you know those days when it feels like you’d be better off dead? im still having them. i may hopefully move. then i can start over. i want to hang out with people who dont treat me different. its so stupid that nobody can see how they treat me. im always looked at like im the bad kid or i get looked at like im so happy and innocent. im not bad, but im not innocent. im nothing. just a random piece of flesh and bone that accidentally showed up on the face of this earth. thats all i’ll ever be.
melatonin isnt effective at all. i took 20 hoping it would put me in a coma or kill me, but of course it didnt. i was pissed off.
im going to ask my mommy to put me back in the hospital. i need to be there. i was supposed to die today. naturally, i was too scared.
the thoughts went away for a while, but now theyre back.
its been a while since i typed anything on this site. i guess im doing better. i dont expect it to last long. im still on lexipro.
how hard is it to figure out which way to die?!!! i wonder about bleeding to death, hanging, or drowning.
Newer Posts