if someone pointed a gun to me and was going to shoot me, id take the gun and do it myself… nobody will get the satisfaction that they killed me except for me… theyve all caused me enough pain as it is. i wont let them finish what they started so maybe theyll have the feeling of being incomplete and empty wondering why it couldnt have ended their way… someone try and drown me… help me set myself free…
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I hope that things change for you. You sound like you are at the end of your rope. I have been at the end of my rope a number of times but I survived and pushed forward and made changes in my life to make my life worthwhile. I hope you find peace. If there is anybody in your life that agrivates you then remove them from your life. Find some positive people to be around and try reading some books that will help you deal with the issues you are facing.
good luck