It surprises me almost daily that I have made it to a new day. Before age 16 I was sure that I wouldn’t make it to that age for some strange reason. Here I am at twenty, and my life is horror show. I feel like I just can’t be. You know? It feels like I have lost myself, motivation, belief and real friends. The friendships I have feel like one of obligation, convenience and due to hanging out during high school, and its terrible to feel this way but it feels like something vital is missing…it could be within myself or maybe it […]
You know, “family” is such a wretched word for me. I don’t understand why people who call themselves family behave in ways that are so bizarre that if any other person did these things I probably wouldn’t put up with it, it’s disgusting, disturbing and all of the above vile. Why is this kind of family worth fighting for? I mean it’s one thing if they were nice before,but even then the behavior is still toxic and very wrong, however I feel like in my case that has always been a very fine line of me waiting for the next horrible event to occur […]
Today “she” called called me by this vile name.
Today “she” told me God would punish me.
Today “she” told me that travesties would befall me.
Today “she” told me one day I would need them, and no one would be there for me.
Today “she” told me that I gave her the most trouble between my sister and I. I a quiet anxious, depressed student did this. I am not a good person, but this statement is ridiculous.
Today “she” stormed into our shared bed room threw open the curtains, and tore back my sheets.
Today “she” demanded I go with her now that […]
What is this twisted game for… and why won’t it stop?
It often feels like I am stuck between the pit and the pendulum. Neither option is appealing, but there is nothing else to do but to dwell in the in-between or let one or the other destroy me. Most of my days are spent dodging the pendulum or searching for refuge from the heat of the pits fire.
However, I can’t help but wonder if the relationship I have with pain in life mirrors the relationship between the joker and batman. Who would they be without each other, and who would I be […]
It’s strange the place I’m in right now, because these emotions or more so the lack of emotions disturbs me. For the last few years I find it a struggle to identify the emotions I feel. It’s as if my emotions are all knotted together in a tight-knit ball, so indistinguishable from each other much of the time…
A little off topic, but I’m tired of the daily struggles I have to bear in life. Often, I feel like I’m confined to a certain way of being, of living, of existence. I don’t think I’m expressing this in the right way, but I just wish […]
Hi,
I’m new to the suicide project, but I’ve been a silent observer in the background for a couple of years. It seems like many people have come and gone on this sight, hopefully they were able to move onto a better much happier part of their lives. All, I hope is that this site will offer a little catharsis to my soul,and that I will be able to have victory over my inner demons. It is nice to meet you all.