By now you might have seen on the Internet the story of one “Jeremy Meeks” who has recently gained a reputation as “Hot Felon.” He has been the center of much attention after his mugshot was released showing what many consider to be a very attractive face. The purpose of my writing here is not to take a shot at Mr. Meeks. I hope that he will receive whatever punishment his crimes are due, certainly that he should repay his thefts, and other than that I have no concern towards him. It is what this man’s story has revealed so clearly about our deranged and unjust society, which I take interest in. My blood does […]
What options for death really are there for profound disabled like myself? I can’t get a gun, can’t get in a car and go somewhere, and hanging never fails to fail. The only thing I was suggested by “professionals” was, if you want to die, you can, you just have to stop eating and drinking completely. Number one, what an inhumane way to go! I cannot imagine depriving myself of water until I am dead. That is barbaric. Number two, most of us disabled are in the care of family members who would force feed us. So this is clearly not an option. Also most […]
There are a long list of things we are not allowed to say, and feelings we are not allowed to feel. Isn’t that true my fellow slaves? You did know you’re slaves, right? From the moment you’re born you are a slave to your parents and to this society. That is why what we say and feel must be regulated. That is why dissenters must be outcast as “evil” horrible people. Because in order to keep the system going, we can’t have dissent. Dissent wakes people’s minds up, and awake people rebel, and what society fears most, is rebellion. “Being born is like being kidnapped […]
There is something worse than being retarded. It’s being a retarded person who is self-aware enough to know they’re retarded. I am retarded, and I know it. Like Charlie Gordon in Flowers for Algernon. Like him, I started out oblivious. I had a vague understanding that other people were making fun of my face, my actions, my words, my clothing, and the fact that I was never coordinated or fast enough to play sports at gym class no matter how hard I tried (nor, for that matter, could I make any sense of the rules). I became self aware very slowly, over time. I started […]
Are any of you depressed people experiencing not only depression, sorrow, and boredom of life but also HORROR? Is anyone experiencing trauma and panic from existing in a cruel and violent world? Afraid to wake up in the morning, afraid to exist, afraid of gods and devils? Do you feel like you are living in a horror movie? Fear of someone torturing you? For me life feels like the movie Saw with God being Jigsaw. I am trapped in a very evil body and if I want to get out, I have to literally cut myself out or do some other gruesome thing in which […]
Doomed from birth.  Where is the justice in life?
And it’s not about karma there is no karma. I know so because I am one of life’s “freaks”. If I had a past life, I had the same essence, the same personality I have now. Otherwise I’d be a totally different person. I am an innocent creature. Never was a bully. Never was even clever or strong enough to figure out how to bully the bullies. But god made me a freak anyway.
Maybe god prefers the freaks.
http://www.thehumanmarvels.com/
I don’t believe in heaven but if I did- these people deserve to be there more than anybody. And if I were […]
There were hands everywhere, so many hands grabbing at me, greedy hands, get off of me, greedy hands, lights flashing, clicking, blurry vision, light, dark, chatter, noise, I’m so confused, I’m so cold, I’m so sad…..
I have drifted into something, somewhere I don’t understand, something I never meant for….
I’ve been born?
Oh God, no.
Oh no, God.
I’ve been born.
It’s the worst day of my life.
This is the first day of my time in hell.
Worst day, first day…for without a first day, there could be no second day, no third day, no 11,322th day…..
Oh what have I done to be cursed like this! Wretched little body. Wretched little room.  Wretched little world.
“In that place there will […]
The life and times of a deformed female! What I have experienced of life!
First lesson of being deformed: you are evil no matter what you do. You are impure, you are undeserving, you are filth. There’s no way that mutated body was created by the hand of God.
Beauty is goodness. Ugly is evil. (Watch any Disney movie!) If you were beautiful we’d let you get away with murder. If you are ugly we won’t let you get away with throwing a pencil across the room.
You cannot afford to have any accidents or missteps as an ugly person. You will not be forgiven. You will be reviled for minor misdeeds that […]
Well we’ve all seen the red carpet show now and all the beautiful rich and talented people gathering together to congratulate themselves on their beauty, riches and talents. In the end, when the earth has burnt away, when memories have ceased, what difference does it make whether I was the neighborhood “retard” or whether I was Jennifer Lawrence. Pointless, all of it. Yes, Jennifer will have lived a life 100 thousand times better than anything I will ever experience. But one hundred years from now when we are dust, we will be the same. Dust, useless quiet dust. A huge downgrade for the winners in […]
A serious suicide attempt is not a cry for help.
It is a cry that started when we emerged from our mother’s wombs. How happy did any of us look then? And the sickening thing, the beaming smiles on the faces of our owners, I mean “parents”. How greedy parents look when that new child emerges. “You are mine”, they cry, “mine forever”. And how the child screams, shrieks and squirms to get away from them, to get away from all of it.  All of it a grotesque, bloody, display of ownership and enslavement; a foreshadowing of what is to come.
A suicide attempt is a cry for freedom from […]
I was told by a doctor that the reason I am sick is because I lack positive thinking.
This was a professional medical doctor.
I was supposed to tell this idiot that I would get better in a matter of months. The positive thinking would make it so.
If I did not repeat the words, that I would be healed, then it was my own fault if I stayed sick, because it meant I wanted to remain sick.
I declined.
I have an incurable genetic defect. I have had it since birth. I am disfigured by it. It is not curable.
Doctors….or demons?
Lady, to me, you will always be a demon.
I want to find suicidal people in real life that I could have contact with. I just don’t know how!! It would be so great to have suicide societies where people who want to end their lives could get together, have open discussions, gather supplies, share advice, meet partners, and support each other. People this should be a basic right but its all criminalized. It’s all criminalized because of goddamned godless moral busybodies in the society that think it is their right to force everybody else to live. So what is this- a hollow dream? Just shows how unevolved the human race really is, that […]
There is nothing I could wish for more than human extinction. I think so often of the great movie Artifical Intelligence which has Manhattan buried under water and ice and humankind gone extinct when their millennia of abuses of the earth finally catches up with them. It is the most peaceful sight, water everywhere and no humans to be found disrupting anything. Just finally peace and quiet. No screams, no sirens, no children playing, nothing to disturb the peace of the emptiness of the water and the pretty, gleaming buildings sticking out, half buried, far more beautiful as adornments to the water than they ever […]
My biological father who has not been a part of my life since I was a baby. My disabilities may be why he abandoned me. I have had almost no contact with him in my life. I wanted him to raise me as his daughter, teach me things, care about me. I wanted to love him. Now I feel like it may be too late to have any sort of contact with him. I mean if he were to show up in my life sometime in the future. I guess the question is does he deserve to be part of my life at all or […]
Paul Walker has died in “a fiery car crash” the news says. This is pretty ironic because he starred in a movie Fast and furious about racing cars.
It reminds me of when Steve Irwin “the crocodile hunter” died. Steve Irwin died by a stingray barb when he was scuba diving.
Jimi Heselden owner of Segwey died in a Segwey accident.
What do these ironic deaths mean (if anything) or what lesson might be learnt from them?
Life can’t go on forever. It feels like it will. It feels like this thing we’re all caught up in will never stop.
But it has to.
There was a start day and there has to be a finish day. I always imagine my finish day. My last day on this wrecked planet. And every day from Start Day till Final Day is a step. Just a step closer.
No, we will not live like this forever.
Thank god.
The classical suicide, to fall on your sword. People don’t have swords anymore, I’ve never even seen one except in the movies. But it’s part of historical literature.
Shakespeare: For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin?         bodkin = dagger
Also Juliet stabbing herself with Romeo’s dagger
Saul’s suicide in the Bible: Then Saul said to his armorbearer, “Draw your sword, and thrust me through with it, […]
Far more wore worst than all the physical suffering I have is just the humiliation, just being very ashamed of how I look and how I act weird. Of course people have always made fun of me for all of that. I have leaned over time to act a lot more normal than I used to. But when I was younger I did not know how to act. I do not let anyone see pictures of me and I do not look at pictures of myself or look in the mirror. When I was at school I wished I would just disappear other kids always […]
If you believe, as I do, that this world is operated under demonic beings, then suffering is not about who is lucky and who is unlucky, who is worthy and who is unworthy, who has done good and who has done evil
but rather
who is PREYED UPONÂ and who is left alone.
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