Rainwatch

That can seize one in the evening, the evening edging towards night. When one remembers the horror  of saying something really stupid, ridiculously fucking stupid ,cringe worthy fucking stupid , earlier in the day. I’ve said and done ridiculous things. The fucking worst being an episode of weeping. Public weeping. I had to stand in front of the class at the age of 8 I can’t remember what exactly for it was something like you had make up something in front of the class, entertain the class or something and I started crying, in front of a class of 24 other boys and  the teacher. […]

I was dealing with a very jealous woman. I was puffing on a reefer of particularly choice weed, having tea, with Led Zeppelin live at earls court 1975 on the flat screen in the living room, not to take anything away from the great Zeppelin my favourite musical act but if there was ever an act that could be described as ‘ marijuana smoking music’ these guys take the trophy even above Pink Floyd my second favourite act. one has to  enjoy himself while he can, you could wake up tomorrow paralyzed from the neck down, that would be the way I see things. She […]

I  was reversing out of my mother’s driveway. There was a guy walking by who seemed to be in another world, unaware of the car. I hit the brakes just in time. He lost his footing and stumbled over into a grass patch. ” Here what happened mate?” I said getting out of the car. ” My mistake, I didn’t see you” he said. ” No problem, there’s your phone ” I said pointing to his phone which was on the ground. ” Fuck, thanks mate ” he said picking up the phone. ” You all right man?”I said. ” Sorry man I’m stoned” he […]

I was trying to get the Sky Sports main event channel up on a new package. Every other channel was working except this one,, the most important and valuable one because of live Saturday and Sunday premier league football. ” Not fucking working, every other station except the one I wanted”  I said out to her in the kitchen. She came in with tea and a large bar of Cadburys caramel chocolate, the best  version t hat has to be purchased independently of the multi pack, larger squares of chocolate. I was licking my lips. “Caramel, your favourite” she said handing me the tea and […]

I was trying to make a phonecall and watch the kids out the back garden simultaneously. I couldn’t get him to come down on his price,  ” hang on man” I said covering the phone and walking over to the back garden, ” keep the hose aimed low, you’re gonna put water over the wall on top of the neighbours, that’s it I’m knocking the water off” I said, the kids just laughed. There was a gaggle of giggling girls in the next door back garden. The youngest daughter it must have been and her friends , I think she was about 20, which is […]

She was away with her sisters. It was getting late, near the witching hour, 2.55 am. I had dismissed a new bit on the side at midnight, that was a mistake, post physical relations I find I want nothing to do with women,I’ll sleep in another room thank you very much. She’s getting too fond of wacky baccy, it’s hard enough maintaining my own usage, one can’t carry women. Her perfume was all over the house, nice perfume I hasten to add, but I had to be careful , she has a nose like a fucking sniffer dog.I opened every window in the house. A […]

I was in therapy one day aged 23, a virgin, afraid of women, with the strict female therapist. She was scribbling down notes, she became very fidgety with the pen, jerking said pen,  ” I realise these are difficult questions” she said avoiding eye contact  ” but do you masturbate?” She asked  regaining eye contact and looking at me fixedly. It was a question which had caught me off guard but it was also a question I liked. In a life filled with lows, terrifying lows, this was a high. What could I say but the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, […]

I only ever tasted paradise once. I never knew such pleasure existed, even if it was only 20 mins. The girl was an 11 out of 10. I never knew they existed. I was seeing stars with the pleasure. A knock on the door called things to a halt.Being inexperienced, I had only been with my 25 year old girlfriend I thought I preferred girls  older than her again, in their 30’s and 40’s but this girl was a bit under 18.

Nothing good can come from a night out drinking.  Some years ago I was driving back from the pub not particularly inebriated but not sober either. My passenger was inebriated. Just as we turned onto our road, he lived a couple of doors down, he said ” Careful, watch that dog” and tried to grab the steering wheel off me. ” Relax the fuck, that’s not a dog, that’s a kid, that’s your kid” I said.  ” Is it, it is, what the fuck is his mother doing letting him out at one in the morning” he said.   Nothing good can come from a night […]

I had to accept my father and I have an aversion to each other. I convened many a camp David, in what proved to be vain attempts at establishing civil relations but  had to accept we repel each other, magnet- like, it was decreed by fate that we couldn’t get along. Such is life.

With my favourite of favourites,  my first choice , it was the opposite. I was drawn towards her, magnet- like.  It was decreed by fate that we would get together.  Of course that evaporates after a few months, such is life.

Was in the same room as my father we’d fucking kill each other.  Even his voice is like a pneumatic drill being pressed through my ear.

Answer the front door. I had just finished ham sandwiches with coleslaw and egg mayonnaise, tea two cups of, and a chocolate eclair. What I fancied now was a reefer and Dreyer’s ‘Day of Wrath’. The doorbell rang, I don’t answer doorbells for the reason one will usually encounter some sales pitch. I was expecting female company so for that reason against my own policy I opened the front door teacup in hand. There was a man and woman about mid 4O’s who both flashed these badges quite quickly ,  ” Police” the guy said. There was no car outside, they were plainclothes, seemed like […]

I was in a bind. Perhaps it was paranoia on my part but I suspected something was amiss in my pursuit of prescriptionsl sleepers. I decided to act on that feeling cancelled where I was going and requested an appointment with a female doctor, strict as fuck, cold, the Thatcher level of iron lady ruthlessness. I had two hours to go before a showdown with the iron lady. This was a situation from hell and I often find that when a situation from hell is thrust upon one without warning one purely through no choice steps up to the challenge. This doctor was the harshest […]

I pulled into the petrol station circa 9am. There was a female junkie, quite animated, knocking on car windows. She went to knock on my window, ” watch the car” I said, getting out of the car She launched into a cock and bull story ” will you use my phone to call this…’.      “Too complicated, no time” I said walking into the petrol station. I came back out and she started again   ” I need 5.80 to get to Kildare, gimme 5.80″ she said. ” No time, maybe go in and ask the Indians in the petrol station” I said whilst pulling […]

I’m at the stage where whatever it took to last as long as I have has been used up…

I was on the road early. I don’t relish the idea of chasing weed too close to Paddy’s day. Christmas, Easter, bank holidays etc, it is always better to procure your pot early.  Nothing puts a dampener in my day like inferior quality weed, the last bit I had was just not quite right, this can happen, it’s rare but happens, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, he’s got a lot on his plate right now, I had voiced my dissatisfaction with the weed and insisted on the best of the best next time.  When it comes to illicit substances don’t think about […]

Compare oneself to others because when I was in school there were guys 6 foot tall at the age of 13. I was 18 before I got to 6ft. There were guys going around with stubble at 14. I was 20 before I started shaving.  There were guys with girlfriends and I’m assuming active at 15. I was 24 before I got a girlfriend and 28 before I was active with women plural. One should never compare oneself….

I was in a dreamy type of mood. It was that type of atmosphere. I am by nature dreamy, which is a grave fault, a grave flaw indeed, but one has to accept the reality of one’s nature. I tend to have one foot in reality and the other in dreamy thoughts, even when faced with the most dire of situations. I had enjoyed a very nice joint and was reclining on the sofa, I don’t want to do anything except indulge in pleasure, and Cannabis for me is the height of pleasure. I had spent the morning attending to domestic duties, it’s not my […]

Like I said I just couldn’t take criticism. I was that fucking deluded I thought there was nothing to criticise in the first place. The female therapist was correct when she said ” you’re hard work, here I am taking the wall down brick by brick and you put it right back up again, you have sexual phobia’s, there’s no emotion in you, you speak in very abstract terms with very flowery language, you’re very dismissive, you dismiss things outright”.  She was spot on. Friends all said the same. I thought the world was wrong all along and I was right all along, it doesn’t […]