Have you ever felt like banging your head on a wall till it splits open? I’m just tired of trying to explain what is going on in my head. it feels as if there are three people living in my head, the goody two shoes, the evil bastard and last the one who just does not give a fuck. To be honest, the last one is the one i feel most comfortable with, the other two are just facades of an outward nature. Why cant i feel happiness? what the fuck is wrong with me, why is it that i cant find a smile in […]
Today I tried taking my life, i left home after greeting my wife and kids, having them believe that i was off to work. Instead i had planned to go to the river pop as many pills as possible and pass out. I threw up everything. Not deterred, i pulled out a knife and started cutting at myself, the blade was too dull, now imagine the feeling of being cut without actually bleeding, hurts like a ************. Still undeterred, i went home, locked myself away in a room and proceeded to beat the living hell out of myself…(picture fight club). I passed out, and when […]
I’ve been battling depression since the age of 13. In my community depression is seen as a sin. So I developed an outer shell that showed the world all was well. At 33 almost 34 married to a loving wife and 2 beautiful daughters, how is it that I can be so blessed yet so empty? Why do I consider death as a reprieve?
People, when I have broached the subject tell me it’s all in my mind, I opened up to my wife and she says she’ll help but is indifferent towards me now. I’m not even hanging on by a thread and up […]