its not like they’ll search for this. i feel safe here, my dark blue page. i sometimes wish that someone WOULD find this page, so i can have more reason to be motivated to end my life, but alas, wishing is for birthday candles and little kids. i feel like those who need this will read it and take it in, and no one i know will ever gain enough interest to uncover it, even if i scripted it out for them, because on a mature level, i have come to understand that even i myself can not evade the selfishness of being human. – […]
ReNDeR
the title says it all.
those words came out of someones mouth who also wants me to be able to tell them everything and anything thats bothering me.
thats okay.
confusion makes the straight edges easier to wield.
in the long run, i don’t matter, i know this.
)if i grow up anymore, i’ll fucking die)
you’ll never find this, cruel world, you’ll also move on, and be happier.
they think i am just a drama case.
they’ll never see me for who i am.
silence is deadly, and a favorite among those who don’t really care.
i’ve been holding back, but it wont be long now.
the deep bellowing of the pain in my chest. it comes and goes, comes and goes. stays at the least expected times, and then goes again.
like everything else in my life. comes, and goes. and sometimes i am so used to things going, that i push everything as far away as i can.
i dont talk to you, because you wont understand.
you’ve even admitted to not understanding.
i thought by now, at this age, i would be past teenage methods of relief.
it doesn’t get any better, it only gets worse.
i am digging through old boxes, and old veins, for the relief that quieted everything for […]
an un-sheilded wire carries such friction into speakers. a loud buzz, or a fuzzy undertone. a sound that drowns my brain.
a list of things, like “do you think Meghan would miss me?”
quick and painless, long and slow. some thoughts consume the whole day.
they have no idea.
roulette style thoughts that pop into thin air. i don’t share them
not with anyone.
therefore they don’t exist in this reality, unless written, and hidden, or hiding among the painfully obvious in cryptic texts.
the hurt behind the eyes doesn’t mean a single thing, even though you can recognize it in others who are kindred, because […]
I am ready, but my girlfriend and my band mates aren’t.
Its all over my desktop, but the words are encrypted.
my macbook knows, it took me so long to get it, to earn it. i am so glad we’re friends.
it listens, and has no perception. no miscommunication, no thoughts, no judgement on the matter.
You’ll never find out how i actually feel.
I’ve been reading this page for a long, long time. I generally never register for any of these sites, as per keeping my privacy…but the truth is this little dark blue page on the internet is my only salvation.
i searched for it for years.
i found it here.
i dream of ways to escape, […]