Wisp

Sorry if my post is a bit incoherent…

I’m stuck, lost and trapped in my whole A COMPLETELY LONG MAZE MIND SEEMINGLY ENDLESS AND DOESN’T GO ANYWHERE WHY AM I TRAPPED IN THIS DAMN MIND OF MINE?????????
Why do I take anyone seriously, this whole world just seems like a complete and utter clown show anyway. People are all over the place like a damn yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo.
Can you REALLY trust anyone? LOL, no you CAN’T. (this doesn’t necessarily make people bad, that’s just how things are).

I feel like I’m just a speck of fucking dust trying to navigate, […]

Not suicide related

My new friend told me the other day that ‘I remind him of his abusive ex’ and apparently I look like her on some angles, and I have some mannerisms and sort of act like her in some ways.
We seem to have a good time together when we spend time together (although that’s limited because we both live rurally and 1-1 and a half hours away depending on the route taken).
But I feel like I’m just traumatizing him with my existence, unfortunately. Who would want to be with someone who reminds them of an abusive ex?
He said it’s his […]

Trigger Warning: past suicide attempts

Gosh, I do remember that I’ve been here since 2013.
So, I was in my early 20s when I first posted here. I know not many people post here anymore, and that’s a shame to see in some ways, but in other ways, I guess it’s a good thing? Everyone uses social media and stuff now I think.

Most of my life was in an abusive environment (my dad subjected me to constant emotional and psychological abuse). I do remember how completely awful my social skills were for many, many years (I’m self taught). I remember I used to just want to […]

I haven’t posted in a long time.
I don’t really like to write online much anymore (moreso pertaining to personal stuff) for various reasons.
I feel for anyone going through injustices, misery and suffering. Not that I can do anything and I’m sorry for that.
Humanity can be so cruel and continues to be so cruel.

It’s been nearly 2 years since my mum passed away.
I don’t mind my life at this point, but it’s just going nowhere, just like all the other years of my life.
I don’t even know what I want, I don’t know what I want to do, I’m just going […]

not suicide related

Just wanted to say it, and no I’ve not recently left/had someone leave a relationship with me (aka breakup)… Just remember that people can and do leave others just because they feel like it, and they’ll make an excuse to ‘soften the blow’ for you. But of course that won’t work and you’ll be left hurting and aching for a long time anyway. I know someone who was ghosted.
Imagine spending months or years on someone just for them to LEAVE! Look I’m sure many lives are greatly improved by a seemingly good relationship, but remember that this ‘good’ relationship can change at […]

Me: one parent is dead (my dad – he was abusive anyway), mum is in a care home and can no longer do anything for herself. I live alone and in poverty. I want to work but no one is going to fucking hire anyone with almost no experience. My personality is too different to most people and I’m not really even good at anything.

My bf: parents with a nice house and good jobs and knowing that my bf always be able to go back to them if something goes wrong. He’ll always have a roof over his head. Good at and knowledgeable about […]

Does anyone else wish they had a boyfriend/girlfriend/someone to share life with, yet at the same time they would also like to be alone?

Reddit: Modern life is complete garbage

Modern life is complete garbage.
by inTrueOffMyChest

In short a hikikomori is someone who completely shuts themself out from society for months or years. They are based in Japan but let’s face it… hikikomoris are all over the world.
Watch a documentary sometime? many have suicided as well, but not all.

Anyway they give us insight into how awful society really is. Many live with their parents and they are financially supported by them, but if the parents die their child eventually dies too because the money runs out.

If society wasn’t so awful I guarantee there would be far less hikikomoris…

Can’t really be bothered to even type right now, I don’t want to live alone. I want my mum back. but she is in a nursing home because she needs constant care. she had a stroke which affected many aspects of her.
I’m living in a nightmare.
I hope her condition improves in the next few months. THIS really isn’t any kind of life otherwise in my opinion. she’s in a bed most of the time and the nurses do everything for her. no dignity or privacy at all. I don’t want my mum being in such misery. I am not suggesting anything here. But […]

Not suicide related, although the constant judgement when one is poor might be enough to feel that way.

Endless examples of what kind of judgments can occur:
Y: you, yourself
O: the other person

Y: sorry I can’t afford to go to a cafe for a coffee together with you
O thinks to themself ‘what a pathetic person, can’t even afford a coffee!’

Y does not look ‘rich’ enough, looks ‘poor’ =
Constant judgement from friends (if you have such) and family, and strangers who look down on you because of your appearance.

Y: sorry I can’t afford a day out with you
O thinks to themself ‘gosh, what […]

I’m already sick and tired of life. Have been for so long. My mum had a massive stroke a bit after Christmas. I was hoping she could get rehabilitated but it seems more likely she will just stay bedbound. Being bedbound isn’t any kind of life. If I ever ended up bedbound you can just euthanize me, thanks.

My mum barely knows English. To try and keep this post at least a little anonymous, I will just leave her language skills at this. I’m trying to find an interpreter for her rare language and the hospital is too. It’s unlikely they’ll find such.

My mums personality […]

It is just a bunch of things on my mind
I guess I’ll just keep idling because life really isn’t for me, no-one asked to be born and we were all forced into this world whether we wanted to be here or not. doesn’t help that I’m rather broke but I have too many internal issues as it is… not necessarily something that can labelled as an ‘illness’. Why are we calling them mental illnesses anyway, because it’s like saying that WE are the problem, the actual problem here is society causing everyone to be so miserable. Try having a slightly different ‘unapproved’ opinion to […]

Going to go and see grandma tomorrow. She offered to pay for the restaurant for me. Called her a few days ago.
I’m rather nervous. I don’t even know how to be. I haven’t seen her since I was a little kid.
(I’m nearly 30 now…)

I’ll give her a little gift. Don’t know if I should but… I’ll do that. I feel so overwhelmed. I really do want to see her. I know she wants to see me too.

Why do I WORRY so much :/

I haven’t seen my grandma in forever. Recently I got in contact with some more members of my family.
She will be visiting in another town nearby to me soon. I can only afford the bus fare and not much else. She is rich and I don’t want to embarass myself in front of her because I’m so poor. Now she’ll probably think I’m an asshole for not meeting up.

I can’t afford to go out to eat at a restaurant, let alone an expensive one. Nor can I afford to throw money around…
I wonder if I should’ve just fibbed before she is about […]

Just wanted to say it again.

Staying alive is just too much work and it’s pointless anyway!

Going through the motions as usual. I wish that I didn’t exist. I’ve been pretty much done with life for a while but I’m still here and still need to exist and still pretend that I enjoy life to some degree and…
That’s the gist

Nearly everyone will try to take advantage of you, and they may do it in sneaky and deceptive ways.

They may try to find out information about you, not because they are interested, but to see how vulnerable you may be, and how sensitive you may be. They try to find all the so call ‘weaknesses’ in you. They will soon use this information to best determine how they will take advantage of you.

They may seem nice at first, or even seen nice for quite a while. But you’ll end up seeing the cracks sooner or later. Appearing nice might be a stepping stone to taking […]

A Bob Marley Quote ^

But who is worth suffering for?
I’m so tired.