Whats going on…Â in school you have the bullies and the bullied… this is a story of one (click on “whats going on” to see for yourself)
What a useless emotion… I have kicked drugs, stopped drinking but I can not let go of this self pity and depression… Today I took a nap and upon awakening I did not have a desire to use or drink I just want to stop living… I don’t enjoy life as other people… I want to leave the present… i don’t like it here… the world sucks, government sucks and people suck… if i choose to die today i will hang myself… i will try to hyperventilate and then just tighten the noose around my neck… this should cause me to pass out so that […]
i want to watch you die
i want to see the incorporeal essence
i want to feel your pain
i used all of mine up
i have none left
i am truely empty
i want the joy of watching you die
I am losing… I keep falling… joy deteriorates in me… my heart is in complete atrophy… my depression is eating me up inside… the hurt…
why do i continue trying… what “just surrender”… that what everyone tells me… surrender to the life you have and start living it instead of living in denial… well the life i have fucking suck shit out of my asshole… every fucking day of this shit thing called life puts me closer to my grave… why live a life of agony… this shit sucks… i did not ask for life so why cant i take it away… fuck this fuck you fuck me and fuck this thing called life
A lifetime of self-loathing… Self Rejection, Low Self Esteem, not knowing how to deal with hurt emotions nobody could understand cause everyone else was as heartless and shallow as I was… one thing my dad wasnt, was a emotionally mature Man… my dad would beat me with jump ropes, fists, bang my head against the wall… verbally, mentally and physically abused… then tell me to stop crying or he would give me something to cry about… i, as most boys, was taught that crying is a sign of weakness… hurt and fear manifests into rage… thats why I cut, thats why I drug, […]
A lifetime of Fear and loathing… Self Rejection, Low Self Esteem, not knowing how to deal with hurt emotions nobody could understand cause everyone else was as heartless and shallow as I was… I am coming to a fork in the road of my life… i post on here to experience my emotions… something I was not taught by my dad… one thing my dad wasnt was a emotionally mature Man… my dad would beat me with jump ropes, fists, bang my head against the wall… verbally, mentally and physically abused… then tell me to stop crying or he would give me something to cry […]
I am dead inside… why wait any longer for the outside to catch up
For some, find themselves in the in the chasm of their misery. They find themselves and create great art such as music & poetry. I have done such things, that was a long time ago. Today, the only thing I see when I close my eyes, the only thought is a noose. In Middle School we used to do this thing to make one pass out. Many may be familiar, it’s where you bend over causing the blood to rush to your head then straighten up quickly while someone squeezes the side of the neck preventing the blood from flowing and you pass out […]
i love cutting… my cuts just healed… i love cutting at the right emotional moment… the sting… the burn… the way it feels when i run my fingers over the welts they leave… you see when i cut i like to cut on inside of my arms.. with a serrated knife… just under the dermal layer of skin… i avoid cutting muscle at all… skin will heal with no long term effects… muscle scars and you have issues later in life…. i would make about 50 2 inch cuts across my arm, then take a handful of rubbing alcohol and rub it in… fuxty fux […]
Peace was stolen from me and life was forced upon me Jan 13th 1972… The result of a lunchtime accident… My Dad was in a popular band and a mean drunk’n drug addicted ass. My mom was a doormat… The molestation began when I was 4 and went on for several years by a family friend… I was a child porn star… I remember running around my dads parties drink the drinks people would leave unattended… I took my first hit of weed in kindergarten… I had 2 older brothers.. My dad would beat us with jump ropes, fists and bang our heads together or […]
Welp James you couldnt kick heroin so you went and hung yourself… i guess you are not such a loser… you finished life… man this sucks he died by suicide 07/29/2011
When will I know… tonight… tomorrow… one of these days I wont be such a loser, a failure, a 98% completer… One of these days I will find my courage. I will show everyone that I can complete something I set my mind to. When will be the day that life hurts more then death… I have no idea what death feels like but I do know misery. Death occures in a split sec. Misery follows me thoughout my day, in my dreams. I have come to terms with choosing to end my life when I want to. Take a really good look at thing […]