My favorite thing in the world is being there for someone like us. I am 17, a junior in HS, and I have 7 MS girls who are just like me. Cutters, suicidals. I can only help so much. Today, to get one to stop, I put my blade to my arm, on a line I have thinned out from my elbow to wrist, just in case I ever need to do it. It’s a pain to watch them worry, but a relief to watch them stop. I’ve gone back to cutting, though. What gives me the right to stop others when I can’t stop […]
I am an inspiration to many both here and in my life outside. I am a preachers son, and expected to act like what I am not. I am looked upon with judging eyes everyday. I am an inspiration to the church, showing teens aren’t all the world says they are. I am an inspiration to my friends by always trying to make them happy before me. They see me as a person who will do anything to help them. I am an inspiration to my family. I have 6 siblings. One is a drama girl, the next an attitude awkward child, and the rest […]
When he found out I was cutting, he tried not to help the urge. Then he used it as a threat. He then got scared if others found out. Now he’s back to yelling, pushing me to cut or commit. I wish I could. The worst I can so is cut. I can’t commit. I am able too. I do not fear Death. But milady said to not disappear. So, I will pursue some hope in this pit of Hell.
I made a promise to never disappear and bring sadness. So, before I can disappear I have to ask people close to me if I can, if I’m still needed. If only one says yes to if I can disappear, then I will. 4 of 5 said I can’t. One will not answer me, thanks to that asshole who ruins my life. So, I must stay. Until I am no longer needed. We will see on Monday.
Everyone wonders if there is a way to make suicide:
painless
like an accident
untraceable
etc.
There is an 8 ingredient injection that I have found, bit 5 ingredients are near impossible to get. so now you know. Don’t ask me to make it or how to make it. I won’t tell.
Theres an asshole in my school that’s pushing buttons that he shouldn’t push. First, he jokes about Death, asking one of my closest friends if she wants to die and trying to convince her that she wants too. Then he starts insulting cutters, when one of his friends and many of my friends cut. None he says that the stage is where I dahlias be, not answering a call that informs me that my friend has gone back into a coma. The ONLY thing saving this ass kisser is that the show is next Friday and Saturday.
Then, we will fight. My background makes most boys […]
I have many names.
Shadowknite to you,
Earthknite to others,
No One, Nobody, Nothing to those say I will remember or stop them.
I am known as Jacob. That is my name. I am No One, and I will remember you.
Normally I would’ve put my poem here, but it’s too hard not believe it. Everything is collapsing. My friends are gone. My music is fading out. My happiness, which is my friends happiness, is slowly disappearing. I guess now it’s my turn. It’s been a long road. It’s been painful. How am I supposed to stay with all this pain pushing me down?
So, it’s back. 8 yrs of pain. 4 years clean. 389 or something cuts. More are being added. It’s back. And it’s prolly gonna stay for equity a while.
Why? I had 6 people to go to.
1. Samantha. She is too busy with her life to bother with a cutters issues.
2. Rachael. She hardens me because a douchbag (the one that causes painful reminders) spread stuff around, and made her believe i am a liar.
3. Jessica. Hardly see her, and she’s too worn out to even notice my presence.
4. Brody. I see him in the day. But once schools out. . .
5. Josh. He has begun […]
For every broken Angel of Darkness, there is a Knight of Shadows, who have the same or similar pain. Sometimes they don’t. The Knights are supposed to protect the Angel from others and themselves. They can’t all the time, but they still try.
A problem with being a Knight, like me, is that we are so busy protecting our Angels, that we don’t protect ourselves. We don’t have Knighta to rely on, so we slowly fall apart. Sometimes the Angel is the Knight. I do not have a personal Angel, and my Knight barely looks at me anymore. I guess my job is done, but it […]
Broken
You say you’re broken,
Unloved and unwanted.
You can’t be fixed,
And you are haunted.
What people say,
That is what cuts.
The words throw you off,
And you get stuck in the ruts.
Many say “I care”,
But few are sincere.
When you are broken,
U notice no one is here.
You wish yourself away,
Ready to give it a try.
U think u can’t stay,
That you need to die.
I reach out to you,
Saying sweet things,
I want to fix you,
I say that it stings.
I cut for others,
To get them to stop.
I am still clean,
Three years at top.
When I see someone unhappy,
It gives my heart great pain.
I want them to be happy,
And to smile again.
I will not stop,
I am […]
About 9 years ago, in my 4th grade year, I had a friend named Alexia Starlit. She was two years older than me, oldster sister of one of my closest friends, and my closest friend at the time. Pretty much a sister. My parents had met her and her sister, Nehoan, but don’t even remember either. They don’t even know this story.
There is this thing where so lived, a selection of sorts for the 4 local gangs. They’d come, watch us fight to the near death, and would claim is before we reached middle school. Alexia didn’t want me participating. We argued about it, and […]
So, I found an amazing video with the Cutter’s Lullaby, and on it were some pictures for people like me. My sis made me angry, and I threw my phone at her. She picked it up, and it had frozen on a pic of the word “Disappear . . . ” and a bunch of blades around it and some blood stains. She said “that’s perfect for you. You should disappear and make everyone’s lives better.” So yeah, it’s my home page background. If my parents ask, I can say “(sistername) said it was perfect, so I kept it.” though they won’t find out. they’ll […]
So, it’s the end of a terrible spring break. Last week, a kid in my class began making fun of Death, like it was something casual. He asked my closest friend if she “wanted to die”. She of course replied no, but he replied with “I think you’re lying”. I told him not to joke around about Death, cuz some people have bad memories with it. He flipped out on me, saying it was natural and nothing can stop it. Now, he had heard about my friend, and how she died in front of me, thanks to me, but he obviously didn’t care. It’s hard […]
Title
The blade comes down,
Tears staining your face.
The voices and taunts,
Leaving a bloody trace.
They think they’re better,
And tell you you aren’t.
Stings like hell,
You’re ready to give in altogether.
Unwanted and alone
You curl in a ball.
You wish to sleep,
Once and for all.
You think no one cares,
You put your life on the line.
You’re ready to commit,
And prepare for your time.
I reach out,
Wrapping my arms around you tightly.
I whisper in your ear,
And I tell you matter without a  doubt.
I care for you,
And don’t want you to hurt.
I’ll always try to be there,
And go through your hell with you.
I speak the truth,
I will never lie.
I will always think you’re beautiful,
No matter […]
Done
You say you’re done,
You are going to die.
Life has finished,
No need to say goodbye.
You think it best,
No one will notice.
You forget my word,
You forgot my promise.
I swore I wouldn’t leave,
I’d be here always.
I’d find you someday,
And give you better days.
If you die tonight,
Then my life won’t matter.
I’d end it there,
Since my heart is shattered.
I care for you,
Now and forever.
If you die on that day,
I won’t be held together.
Wait until the day,
When I make your life better.
I bet you then,
What others think won’t matter.
A cut for a cut,
Death for a death.
When you end your life,
I will take my last breath