Okay, so I’ve had writers block for awhile and I’m having a tough time getting back into writing songs. Do you guys have any suggestions of what I could do, or even give me topics/idea’s I could write about? Trying to get suicide off my mind…
I’m fucking tired of living like this. I hate not being able to do anything about it. Can’t you see that you’re hurting me? Can’t you understand that the things you say tear me apart? Why does everything hurt so much? I’m blinded by all of these things you throw at me. I’m suffocating from all this pressure. I can’t help but think of all of the most painful ways to die, and how I would perform them on myself. I can’t breathe, I can’t think. I fucking hate myself. I’m so useless; I can’t do anything right. I do everything I possibly can to […]
This is beginning to be too much. The world has been so dark and hopeless for the past year. I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me. I keep telling myself, “You’re fine. Get the fuck out of bed, and live your life.” only to discover that I have no motivation. I tell myself I do, but I don’t. After the stress, the tears, the panic attacks, the breakdowns. I can’t bring myself to admit that I need help. I don’t need help. I just don’t. I can’t bring myself to even talk to people anymore. Everyone thinks I’m mad at them, but ever since […]
I didn’t think it was even possible to feel any more terrible than I did a week ago, but it is. It’s hard to even get out of bed in the morning. I’m just so exhausted all the time even though I sleep minimum 8 hours a night. I just hate this… I hate this so much… I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. No one. Why do I have to feel it? God, if you exist, why are you letting me feel like this? Why can’t you help me? Haven’t knocked me down far enough? Â Can I just please die now? I’m already more […]
“I’ll be here if you need someone to talk to.” No you won’t, you always ignore me.
“I care about you.” No, you only care about yourself.
“I know how you feel.” No, you don’t. I don’t even know how I feel.
“I’ll never hurt you.” Then why do you always tear me to pieces? Why am I the one to blame?
“Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It’s not worth it.” Oh yeah? Sometimes those problems aren’t so permanent. And it may not be worth it to you but I’m sick and fucking tired of being in so much pain, and not belonging anywhere. I hate waking up in […]
The sad times are when you look around you and everyone has a place.
Everyone, except you.
Even the people you consider friends would rather be alone than be with you.
The sad times are when you look around you and everyone is welcome.
Everyone, except you.
Even the people that invite you in their circle don’t want you to talk to them.
The worst times are when you look around you and you’re all alone.
No one, but you.
Even the people you once thought cared, didn’t give a shit about you.
You sit on the bathroom floor, tears pouring from your eyes.
Blades carve your […]
May 11th, the day I lost someone very dear to me. 8 years ago. That’s the day I will say goodbye. That’s the day that nothing will matter. If I’m lucky, I’ll die and I’ll finally get a break from this mean cycle. The day before my first exam. Finally a way to escape. I just need to figure out how to do it. I could poison myself, slash my wrists, hang myself, but I’ve always been more open to jumping. It would be like facing my fear of heights with my last breath. I could jump off the bridge, my school, or even in […]
I feel like somedays I can hide my depression, but lately I just can’t seem to send it away.
Apparently I’m a fake, wannabe because I try to be something I’m not, happy.
I can’t be happy, no matter how hard I try. It’s hard to not burst into tears in front of my parents,
in front of my friends. I just don’t want them to get involved, yet it’s all beginning to be too much.
I will deal with my problems; they can deal with their own. Even though I just want to fall asleep
and never wake up. Just so they […]
All I seem to do is fuck up everything… Where do I even start? I don’t know. My head is spinning, and my body aches and if I stand the dizziness will knock me down. I don’t even know what to do with myself. My teachers tell me how I’ll make it far in life, yet I’m unable see it. Once they know I’m suicidal they’ll get the stupid counselor involved and they’ll realize how the weak cowardly freshman will never accomplish anything they once thought she would. People around me can’t keep their mouths shut, they always have something to say. I’m tired of […]
In this situation in particular,
do I choose to follow my dreams or to follow my heart?
How do I know which will work out?
Do I follow my dreams and risk it all?
Or, do I follow my heart and end it all?
They both may seem so simplistic, of that I’m sure,
but they are burning me to the core.
Why must my endeavors of this be so intricate,
when there are no plans and no times set?
My dreams are supposed to balance my internal torment,
but my choices cause nothing but my mere discontent.
All the things I once cared about are now obsolete,
and though […]
I couldn’t do it, and it’s tearing me apart but..
I’m back…
I think I might try in a couple days…
It’s earlier than I expected but I can’t handle this anymore…
Goodbye everyone… I hope you just follow your hearts…
~E
All of this is so triggering, I try to ignore the temptation to make my wrists raw. That’s all on me, though, I should just avoid reading some of the stuff on here I guess…
Since you’re reading this…
Tell me some ways you make yourself feel better (even if it only makes you feel slightly better..) Trust me… I’ll need it
~E
After 10 long months of being told what to be.
After being left stranded by people I thought understood me.
After 10 long years of being broken,
After being made fun of.
Can I decide what goes on for once?
Can I have empathy, instead of sympathy?
Can I be perceived, instead of overlooked?
Can I be loved, instead of hated?
Can I tear up my past, like a rough draft, and throw it away?
Can I start over? Will things even change?
Can I just end my life? You would all be better off that way…
As soon as all my letters are written,
As soon as I say goodbye to the people I care about,
And as soon as I help this one person,
I’m leaving…
I know how, when, and where.
I already have the reasons why.
Everyone getting under my skin, pushing me down.
For the past couple days, things were going so great, but now I just want to drown.
The tears stream down my face,
Why am I such a disgrace?
My whole world filled with so much hate,
Now I know this is my fate.
Everyone getting under my skin, telling me what to do.
They’re inflicting so much pain, but it’s what I’m used to.
Memories that can’t be replaced,
All my efforts gone to waste.
My whole world filled with so much hate,
Now I just need to escape.
Everyone getting under my skin, telling me what to say.
They tell me I’ll never do it, that I need […]
My mind says no,
my soul says yes.
I just want to end my life,
which method is the best?
My mother is oblivious of the things going through my head.
As much as everyone loves me,
I know I’m better off dead.
I used to sing my heart out,
I used to have a “stage.”
I used to belong,
then I realized I didn’t really have a place.
My friends can’t see that I’m in so very deep.
They say I’ll be okay,
I just cry myself to sleep.
I know that someday I’ll never need to weep,
because I’ll be dead, instead of being a useless human being.