Author

David

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by David 9/22/2013

written by David

I needed somewhere to write for a couple minutes.

Just feelings. Unconnected ramblings that swim in my head every time I feel like I am not strong enough.

You’re welcome to read, or gloss over me. That’s fine.

What do i do when i think something is in the past
and that i am no longer affected by it
because its just a distant memory, right?
But then… and then something happens
something tiny
and something inconsequential to everyone but myself
and it’s like
suddenly it matters again
suddenly it seems like just yesterday was when my heart broke
because suddenly it’s breaking all over again

there’s a reason […]

9/22/2013 1 comment

Ramblings

by David 9/7/2013

written by David

It’s been a tough few months for me lately.

Some days i hide it well, others, not so much.
Some days I am sat on my own in my bedroom and I feel so low I have no idea where to go or what to do.
I consider whether my next breath is worth taking dozens of times a day.
Some nights i go to sleep and admit to myself that not waking up; well it wouldn’t be so bad.
Sometimes i will try to talk family or friends but they are always seeming so happy that I don’t want to spoil their day so I […]

9/7/2013 4 comments

“happy” new year

by David 12/31/2012

written by David

Well, it probably voids all rules of this site to say this. But tonight, i’m going to kill myself. I’m not here to get help as such.
I’m seventeen. And it’s new year. And I’m drunk.
Although i said i’m not here for help, i won’t stop anybody who tries, because i know full well you would even if i told you not too. Because bar a few pathetic trolls here and there, each and every one of you are amazing people.
I guess, this is being written so i can feel understood for a little while. I want to speak to someone who knows […]

12/31/2012 5 comments

I won’t survive.

by David 7/26/2012

written by David

First post in a while.

I have tagged this with the words “I will survive” somewhat ironically. ‘Cause I won’t.

I am depressed every spare second of the day. I can only fake a smile, and now my friends have started seeing it’s fake. One even stated that my eyes got sadder when I smiled.

But, every single spare second I get, suicidal or self-loathing thoughts come into my mind. I hate myself. I hate this. I hate this reality and I spend so long wanting to leave.

And…sooner or later I will. People can tell me to keep my chin up, to surround myself with loved ones. But […]

7/26/2012 4 comments

Cry

by David 6/25/2012

written by David

Every night. I cry. Sometimes a little, usually a lot.
And it’s like i’d be scared of what would happen if i didn’t
The stupid things i do to myself. I think they stop me going overboard
Recently i’ve been hurting myself a lot more than ever. I use to just get drunk or get high or worse
But i promised her i wouldn’t- not that i know why, it’s not like i’ll ever mean half as much to her as she does to me. But i get so scared of losing her i abide by that promise. So i just keep getting worse. And i just […]

6/25/2012 3 comments

Sometimes.

by David 6/25/2012

written by David

Some days itâ€™s easy to hate the reality of your own existence. Some times itâ€™s simple to think there isnâ€™t a point to getting by and getting on with life. Some how itâ€™s simple to die on the inside.

Sometimes…but not always. Sometimes people bring you back from the brink- a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a best friend etc… Until they leave me also.

I used to think that it would take some kind of life altering event to cause someone to spiral down the rabbit hole of depression, that people were born happy or content and then weâ€™re twisted by the world around us.

The more I think […]

6/25/2012 1 comment

God

by David 6/14/2012

written by David

I don’t get how god could save some one from suicide. Seems pretty negligent to let someone who you love get that depressed in the first place. An all powerful loving god would save them from themselves before he saves them from suicide. This god is not all loving. I actually wonder if there is a god, then maybe he enjoys our suffering and pain. A sadistic god would make sense considering the world he created.

6/14/2012 2 comments

Alcoholic

by David 6/12/2012

written by David

watch?v=1vIMmjas-34

I’m sixteen and i’m an alcoholic already at my age. My town isn’t exactly big on morals so getting a hold of it isn’t a problem

But… I think alcohol saved my life.

If i wasn’t drunk every evening, I believe I would not be here today. I firmly believe I would have killed myself long ago.

I am so disillusioned with the world and the only time I don’t care about who or what i hate and why or how much I hate it is when i feel so inebriated.

I guess i’m just wondering how healthy this is mentally? It’s obvious it isn’t good for my […]

6/12/2012 4 comments