I’m thinking of leaving… This world has so much pain and I don’t want anyone else to feel my pain. How do I get everyone to hate me so that I can leave without the ones who love me feeling pain too?
Is it wrong of me to miss Stefie, Sissi, Bamse, Ash, Lucky, Goldy, Snowy, Starry, Spinny, Plusi and Oreon so so much More than missing most humans? Is it wrong of me to wish my mom would smile at me and tell me I did a good job or even for her to say thank you? Is it wrong of me to wish my siblings would stop saying “I dont like you” and “you’re not really my big sister” Even though I would give them the world? Is it wrong of me just to clean up my room instead of the washing lady? Is it […]
I do everything I can… For my family, for my friends, even for some strangers! Then why is it like Karma turns on me anyway?
As I vowed in the other post… I will die. Without Stefie I cannot live on… goodbye my friends, goodbye my family, goodbye everyone… You’re better off without me anyway.
I know I haven’t posted anything recently. It’s cause I’ve been having exams and I’m so very stressed about them… If only I could go outside and play like I did when I was younger, now I just sit inside looking at walls… It’s a depressing thing for sure. And worst of all is that if I go outside… I might be beaten up by the kids on my street… And I don’t really have any friends to play with here, I long for the days that I was younger and could run, spring, jump, climb, play as long as the sun was out! From […]
My mom doesn’t trust me, and I’m pretty sure she hates me too, I’ve told her lie upon lie. Why should she even trust me when I’m the way I am? My dad doesn’t know what’s going on, I hardly ever see him so I don’t think he’d understand me and I don’t think I’d understand him much either, but at least he’s a comfort because he does trust me and does love me. My step dad doesn’t speak to me much, once in a while giving me the “evil glare” after mom has told him something about me. My step mom is always supportive, […]
I have a boyfriend (as you all know) and because of him I try not to think about, you know, suicide and other dark thoughts. But right now it’s very hard for me cause he isn’t answering my emails. His emails just suddenly stopped! And I’m very worried… I don’t know what to do. I’ve been pacing the room, mailing him again and again, messaging him, my last resort is to try calling him but I can’t cause my mom doesn’t approve of him and doesn’t want me having contact with him so calling would mean she’d find out. I know, since I’m suicidal, I […]
I can’t stand breaking a promise, nor can I stand someone else breaking a promise! It just doesn’t feel right, that’s why I didn’t promise anyone that I wouldn’t kill myself because I’d break the promise and that’s one of the last things I’d ever want to do…
I was brought up with my mom always telling me “don’t break a promise, it’s worse than breaking a bone” I know it sounds silly in English but in Norwegian it rhymes.
That’s why I can’t break a promise. It’d just hurt someone else, and hurting someone else… I just can’t bring myself to do it, not […]
I am not sure how to start this post, I suppose I’ll just write what I feel like usual. Atleast how I relieve this pain of being neglected, hated etc. I usually swim it off me or I spend time with animals since they don’t judge, but the biggest one which might cover 50% of relieving this pain is Art, drawing, sketching, painting, knitting, creative writing, sewing. It just relieves so much. Especially painting, because it makes me concentrate on something other than the pain, it makes me concentrate on getting the correct colour for the painting so I don’t mess it up (although I […]
Next year I have to choose new subjects. I’ll be choosing the iB exams which is an examination where you are allowed 6 subjects but they are controlled, so these subjects should be:
*maths
*english
*a science (biology, physics or chemistry)
*a language (which they offer in school)
*a humanity (geography, history, psychology, business studies and one more thing that’s slipped my mind)
*an art (music, art or textiles) or another science
Since I want to be a vet I cannot take art next year by making these choices. Art is one way for me to release the pain that builds up inside… That’s why I […]
This is a little story i had which was my dream…
A girl is sitting in her room. It’s almost that time of the year again… She starts crying, checks the time, sends a message to all her friends and her boyfriend. She gets up, takes her phone with her and goes down wearing a fake smile telling her mom she is going out for a bit. She runs out forgetting her jacket into the rain and starts the walk to the train. Her phone is going crazy with messages from her friends but especially her boyfriend. She arrives at the train station and checks the […]
Is it wrong of me to feel tired? Like everything is closing in on me and I do everything I can to keep from getting stuck? But then I just think…. What’s the point, really? Is there even a point? looking back I can see why I am tired even though I’m just 15 I feel like I’ve been around for too long. Do you understand that feeling? I’ve had it since I was… 10 I suppose. When Sissi died…
Looking back when I was little, I was quite a happy kid. I had my mom and dad, in a small cozy home, grandparents came to […]
i feel like I’m the weakest person alive. I have seen these pictures and quotes of girls saying “putting on a smile even in your toughest moments makes you a strong person” but, damn, I do that all the time! And I’m not strong! I smile for my friends, I eat my food, hide my knives, hide my pain, cheer people up, make them laugh and spend time with everyone. But once I’m alone at home, in my room or just all alone somewhere… I cry. I shatter. I break down and cant do anything about it! My heart breaks several times over again as […]
I’ve smiled all my life. Since I learned how to smile when I was a baby. All of them was real till I turned 7. When I was 7 I learnt how to keep others happy by smiling myself even though it never really was a real smile. I kept my best friend oblivious to how I felt inside. She thought I was happy but inside… Inside I was tearing apart because my dad had moved even further away from me. He lived with me and mom, happily married, playing with me. Then they fell apart. He stayed in the same country for a little […]
Just so you know. I’m Norwegian and Bamse in Norwegian means Teddy. My grandparents had a cat along with Sissi. Bamse was an amazing cat, kinda funny too cause he was missing his two front teeth so his tongue would always stick out a bit. He was a British shorthair cat I think. He’d go hunting at night and sleep all day. He once fell asleep in my lap and he’d make a growling sound if I moved so I had to stay there for about an hour reading. He was put down shortly after Sissi because he refused to eat and never went outside… […]
Two years before I was to be born the greatest dog of all time was born, she was beaten up by children so she hated children. My grandparents took her in when she was one year old from the pound. She is a full breed German shepherd with the perfect length tail, nose and perfect height. Perfect for a dog show. Then i was born at the same time as her first litter, only one of her two born puppies survived. I wasn’t barked at by her at all. When I learned to walk and was getting sleepy, I’d get a bottle of milk from […]
I was quite a happy kid till I turned 7. When I was 7 I met this awesome guy at the army camp which me and my class visited so the soldiers could have a “play day” with us. I instantly got attached to Rodney, gave me piggy back rides! Really fun. Then I left and never met him again. I was sad for days and days. Then when I had turned just about 10 I went with my grandparents to Norway, SkjÃ¥k. I love it there! They brought along their dog Sissi and my dog Stefie. Sissi has been around all my life, ever since […]
Hi.
I’m new on this website, surprisingly easy to find it on google.
I bet the usual question asks is “is life worth living?” I don’t know if it is… And I’m thinking of suicide now with a knife in my hand. One cut along the vein and I’ll be done and I can avoid all this pain…