I’ve been trying to write a post on this site for hours, but every time i write what i am feeling, i think it is too whiny.
It sucks that the things people say to me in RL holds control over me, even in this setting.
I’m pathetic
I’m  not sure how much longer I can take this. How much longer I can allow myself to care.
I wish I was a robot with no feelings, then I wouldn’t feel like crap every time you do this to me. Then I wouldn’t forgive you afterwards.
Better yet I wish I never existed in the first place.  Would make things so much easier.
I want some attention, I am just so lonely.. so lonely it hurts.
I’ve been handling things so well lately.
But tonight everything fell to pieces. Â I can’t stop crying, which is odd for me. I hardly ever cry.
I’m trying my best not to cut myself but it is getting to the point that i am craving it, i need it so much that i feel like my heart is going to explode.
I need to hurt myself! I want to die so much.
These comments are so generic but  i don’t know any other way to express myself right now. My mind is so jumbled.
I hate this so much.
Die, die die.
My good friend has recently told me about something she has done in the past that she feels ashamed about. I was thinking about sharing my story of cutting with her, to make her realise that during times when your body needs to cope, it expresses it in different ways.
I don’t mind if people find out. This would be my first time telling someone though.
I am a little worried that she might react a little funny to me.
I just want her to realise that what she has done doesn’t mean she should feel ashamed or regret it. I never have.
“You should never regret […]
I usually have two or three days where i feel happy and normal. Then the depression hits me twice as hard and brings me down to nothing.
I completely forget what happiness is like, and feel like there is no way out. It almost feels like if i ever felt anything else but this consuming darkness, it was just a dream.
Then there are those amazing weeks that i am normal, i’m not exactly happy but i’m not depressed. But the funny thing is… After about a week of feeling neutral, i start to say to myself. “I miss being depressed, i wonder what it felt […]
I have always wondered what exactly it was about my life that made me so depressed. I can never pinpoint what is so terrible that i want to erase myself from human-kinds memory.
I am currently studying at University and alot of things have fallen into place for me. They still don’t explain everything but the information i am learning has highlighted some very important things.
My mother has an anxiety disorder, looking back on my life, childhood was harder than it seemed at the time.
My brother also has a learning difficulty so although i am the ‘baby’ of the family, i have always had to […]
I feel a little left out sometimes when i talk to my friends about family.
I hardly see my dad and when i do it’s awkward. I constantly fight with my mum and two brothers. I am not close with any of them and the moment i can, i am moving out and hopefully never looking back. But i won’t burn my bridges just yet.
All my friends come from homes of two parents where they are close with at least one or all of their family. I sorta wish i had that, it would make life so much easier.
I’m not saying their lives are […]
Since i was young all i wanted was someone to ‘get me’. Â It sounds so cliche but no one really understood my humor, my thoughts, feelings and reactions so i soon learnt how to hide them. Because it began to be draining, having to fight for every word you say. Trying to back up every opinion you gave. It was much easier to act like i had nothing to say. To be like everyone else.
Then i met him, I couldn’t be fake to him, i tried so hard. But i just couldn’t. For the first time since i was very young, i was acting like […]
Does anyone else suffer from this sometimes?
You can be in the best mood ever, then you just snap and nothing can calm you down?
After a whole day of being angry and annoyed at everyone, I feel exhausted and can’t stop crying. Â Sometimes it can be because of the stupidest things.
Not having control over my life pisses me off. But i can’t help this aggression, it overwhelms me and i can’t stop myself.
I can’t contain this anger!
I fucking hate everything. Cutting doesn’t work so i’ll try burning now.
I’ve always said i would like to just disappear. Now i realise i want to fucking bleed out slowly and die in lots of pain.
Guide my razor tonight. Guide my matches tomorrow.
This feeling of emptiness is swallowing me whole. My depression is getting worse and now the thoughts are taking hold in my mind, they are forming ideas and shaping into reality.
I hate these feelings. I see suicide as a relief. Something that would take the pressure out from my stupid life and give me a sense of comfort. I want to be relieved. I want to disappear. I want to die.
Why are you ignoring me? You seem so happy talking to others and won’t even glance my way anymore.
I feel sick just thinking about it. I hate my life, i hate that i might be losing you.
I feel like if you don’t talk to me i should die. You’re the only thing keeping me here.
For years i was deeply depressed, I cut myself badly and couldn’t physically get up in the morning.
I got better, i would be depressed for a week then happy then depressed again and so on.
Now i’m slowly seeping back to being deeply depressed enough to find it hard to breathe every second. I’m starting to think every one hates me again, and that if i died no one would care.
I had my first ‘happy day’ about a week ago, i got so much done and was laughing and didn’t feel lonely. Didn’t repeat in my head “I want to die” like usual.
Feeling really lost at the moment.
I am currently studying for exams and doing my final essays for the year, the results i have gotten back have been great and usually when i get an A or A+ i can’t contain how happy i am, this excitement usually gives me energy for the next essay and so on.
However i have realised recently that i will never be happy with myself. And my life is not going to be better if i get good grades.
I can’t believe having good grades and excelling in school was a replacement so i didn’t have to face the reality that […]
I get my cast off today, after almost 2 months of wearing it.
I am really happy but at the same time I will be checking my phone all day to see if you text me. To see if you remember.
You won’t. But I hope you will.
I’ve become rather pathetic, but hey that’s life.
I have been fucked over by friends all my life. So i became very jaded and i am now very reserved and don’t care much for people at all.
But that all changed when i began uni. I was thrust into a big group of girls that have all treated me so unbelievably wonderful. I have prepared for them turning on me. But it hasn’t happened yet.
I am so insecure. I am going out with them and a few others from my classes tomorrow and i am terrified.
The last friend i had told me she couldn’t put up with me anymore because i didn’t share […]
I haven’t heard from you in days. This has got to stop.
You need to stop leaving so abruptly, you could at least tell me what’s going on and if you’re okay.
I have BPD and it kills me when i can’t contact you. I’m not blaming BPD but i think it explains why i leave you a million messages. You should take that into consideration before yelling at me for being clingy.
I need to talk to you. Although you may be sick of me right now. Tell me. Don’t just ignore me.
At least then i would know you were just annoyed with me. Then i […]
I hate him.
He never comes down stairs so why is he sitting here? I want to be alone and he knows that. Why the fuck is he sitting here. I hate having to acknowledge him.
I’m shaking with rage. I can’t hold it any longer. Why can’t he just fuck off and leave me alone!?
GO AWAY YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT.
I know this is really selfish but i want to feel like the middle of someones world for just a second. Not any longer. I want someone to come up to me, put their arms around me and say “Hey, how was your day?”
Just once.