Author

solace

Unfortunately i find myself without anyone to talk to anymore. This is why i am here. I hope i can try to stop the urges to cut myself by talking about it on this site. Otherwise i'm not sure what else to do. "We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end, we become disguised to ourselves." - FranÃ§ois de la Rochefoucauld

Fuck you

by solace 3/11/2012

written by solace

Getting fucking sick of all these people; Lets give them an answer
“I don’t understand why you would want to cut yourself”
’cause it fucking feels good and i love the sight of my own blood

“You’ll regret those scars”
No i fucking won’t. I want more. I think they are beautiful!

“You are only doing this for attention”
I hate this one the most. If you honestly think i’m doing it for attention, why did you find out TWO years after i started and that was only after i TOLD you ’cause i had a cut that was really infected because it was huge.
Fuck wit. […]

3/11/2012 0 comment

Standing me up again….. seriously?

by solace 3/11/2012

written by solace

Well i just want to vent my anger at you right now

FUCK YOU, HOW ABOUT THAT?
You make me look like a fucking fool two nights in a row. Sitting by my phone all day, refreshing Facebook and calling you. Now your phone is off and i haven’t heard from you all day.

WELL HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY.

But the real pathetic thing is that…. When you finally talk to me next, be it over text or in person i won’t be mad at you. Because you are all i have.

Why are you fucking perfect in EVERY way except this one. You always stand me up and we […]

3/11/2012 1 comment

Pins and Needles- The Birthday Massacre

by solace 3/11/2012

written by solace

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qD2Op4qnUXM&feature=related

Love this song!

3/11/2012 0 comment

Sick of this shit

by solace 3/10/2012

written by solace

So this is going to seem like a complete overreaction but I don’t really care.

I digress.

So my brother and his wife planned this dinner and drinks night for my boyfriends birthday. He went somewhere with his friends for like a pre-celebration thing. I get a text “might be staying here-maybe” Told him i needed to know so i can tell my brother.

Haven’t heard from him for like 3 days.

It’s such a kick in the stomach to know that i wasn’t even invited to where he is. To celebrate his birthday with him. I never get invited to anything. It’s like he doesn’t even care if […]

3/10/2012 3 comments

Survive

by solace 1/23/2012

written by solace

Try to survive this year, even if you face hardships 🙂

1/23/2012 2 comments

Repetition

by solace 1/22/2012

written by solace

I hate repeating myself but i am very stuck and didn’tÂ receiveÂ any help the last time i posted about this topic.

I am asking for some advice. I don’t need to be told “Yup. It sucks. Welcome to reality.”
I need help!

Are there any effective treatments out there for Borderline Personality Disorder? I’m worried about my mental health and would prefer to ask someone with personal experience before going to a doctor.

If anyone can help me and give me some advice. It would be really appreciated.
Thanks.

1/22/2012 8 comments

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

by solace 1/19/2012

written by solace

If anyone has been diagnosed with this and feels comfortable with discussing it with me. That would be really appreciated.
Thank you.

1/19/2012 7 comments

Incapable of happiness

by solace 1/19/2012

written by solace

Was just wondering if anyone else had similar feelings or experiences to me.

Sometimes i seem more vulnerable to depression and feelings of hopelessness straight after i’ve had a brief moment of happiness.

If i have had a brilliant day, looking on the positive side and am rather happy with my life. Well, i find that this feeling is extremely brief and always leads to me feeling deeply depressed andÂ pessimistic.

It’s almost like i am punishing myself for the way i just felt. Only subconciously.

Maybe it is the chemicals in my brain, an imbalance that must release too much Dopamine, affecting my Serotonin levels.

Has anyone else ever experienced […]

1/19/2012 4 comments

Powerless

by solace 1/16/2012

written by solace

This has the potential to break me. My world is caving in and I am powerless, all i can do is watch.

I am falling apart and I want to die.

1/16/2012 11 comments

I can’t hold on much longer

by solace 1/13/2012

written by solace

So my brother threatened me again today. He bullies me all day and today he threatened that he will hit me.

I know this is not as bad as other peoples issues but this is my life and i can’t stand much more of his abuse.

My mum pretends that nothing is going on. I have already started cutting again within 24hours of seeing him. I promised i would stop. But i just can’t keep that promise when he is around.

And you know what the sad thing is….. tonights spat was set off by the slightest thing. The internet.

I hope he does hit me, just so i […]

1/13/2012 4 comments

Just can’t stand you anymore

by solace 12/30/2011

written by solace

Your family is supposed to protect you and look after you. I wish i had a family like that.

Ever since i was little i was bullied by my brother. And because my eldest brother seen this he would protect me and bully him back.
I understand that this probably wasn’t the best method of trying to stop him but it helped me through alot.

Now my eldest brother has left and has changed. I have no one to look after me so i have started fighting for myself and i will admit it, i am pretty good at it. However now that he knows i’m STILL […]

12/30/2011 1 comment

You’re being cruel

by solace 12/19/2011

written by solace

So my mother chooses to ignore the fact that i have depression, she tries to ignore the fact that i used to cut myself, and ever since i stopped (for her sake, not mine) my life has become harder.

We are moving to a rental house until our new house is built. And i asked her if my boyfriend (The only person that still helps me through life and supports me through everyday) would be able to come live with us, since we’d be moving more than an hour away. This would be the only way we could rent since the rent split four ways is […]

12/19/2011 1 comment

Give me some relief

by solace 12/16/2011

written by solace

Wow, i haven’t had a night like this in a while.

i try toÂ suppress my depressive moods as much as i can these days, because i’m sure the people around me are sick of hearing about all my troubles.Â And because i do this, i often have a rather intense hour of crying and panic attacks and i find myself seriously considering suicide once every fortnight or so.

But tonight was different. I was in this intense state almost all night, fighting the strong urge to cut myself. I made a promise to someone every important that i would not do it anymore.

But unfortunatly this just is […]

12/16/2011 3 comments

Family Troubles

by solace 12/14/2011

written by solace

So i’m not sure how to react to the unfairness brought about by double standards, gender inequalities and plain bias in my household.

This may seem trivial but i need to have a bit of a rant!

BACKGROUND: I have two brothers, 30 and 20. My eldest has a wife and recently a child too. My brother had a long term relationship with a girl for about 2 years when we were younger and my whole family liked her since she was my best friend and they all knew her. I now have a boyfriend, we’ve been together for 3 years.
My mother is obviously bias and […]

12/14/2011 1 comment

Why stop when i don’t want to?

by solace 12/11/2011

written by solace

So this is my first ever post on this site.

I used to self harm alot, i have scars all over my legs and arms. I love the feeling and every day of my life i think about it. Although, i stopped about a year ago for my mum. I cut a really deep wound and it wasn’t healing, it was infected and i was worried, so i had to tell her. The way she reacted was a surprise to me. Silence.
She was very shocked and just said very little. Even today she can’t bring herself to say that it happened and prefers to pretend […]

12/11/2011 4 comments

Newer Posts

Older Posts