I’ve just spent 30 minutes trying to post a comment. I kept getting logged out every time I attempted to post and then my password was not accepted so I had a new password sent to my email and logged in again. Still could not post a comment so I rebooted my PC and logged in again and attempted to post again over and over and then got a pop up message saying I was posting too many comments too quickly. I can not see any of my comments in the normal view or the pending section. So I’ll post my comment to the Prozac […]
Thirty years of my life I am told that those glowing red embers in the fire are hot. Thirty years of my own experiences have told me that the closer I got to those embers, the more I could feel the heat.
“It’s not true”, says my Psychologist. “You can’t let what others say affect your entire life. It was your depression making you feel a heat that wasn’t really there.”
“Now, go ahead, reach into those flames and grab a big handful of […]
Trying to get in the right frame of mind for Christmas.
Here is my Christmas poem.
Christmas Eve Suicide
Twas the night before Christmas
When I’d carry out my wish
In a relaxing hot bath
I’d cut both my wrists
This time I’ll succeed
I’ve planned with such care
Either heaven or hell
Soon I’d be there
My problems and worries
will no longer matter
My tormented life memoirs
written in blood spatter
Some men write letters to their unborn child
An expression of love in a world gone wild
If my life were to end before yours begins
I want to share my love and make amends
But my letter is not addressed to an unborn baby
But to an unfulfilled desire that someday, just maybe
A new life could have been created if I had been a real man
I’d have loved you and nurtured you and been your number one fan
I’d comfort and care for you and make everything alright
I’d even chase monsters from under your bed each night
I’d have found you the best […]
I reached for a hand and found a paw.
This is so true for me.
http://anaoffer.com/paws-for-life
In a little while from now
If I’m not feeling any less sour
I promise myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower
And climbing to the top
Will throw myself off
In an effort to
Make it clear to whoever
Wants to know what it’s like
When you’re shattered
Left standing in the lurch at a church
Were people saying, My God, that’s tough
She stood him up
No point in us remaining
We may as well go home
As I did on my own
Alone again, naturally
To think that only yesterday
I was cheerful, bright and gay
Looking forward to who wouldn’t do
I was 21 years old when I visited a local Doctor who was well known as the guy to see if you wanted anabolic steroids. I explained to him how I had been training and trying to change my body as I had no confidence in the way I looked. I explained how I was not confident enough to ever have a relationship or go on a date. He asked lots of questions and I admitted to having panic attacks when I would go out to clubs with friends on a Friday or Saturday night. I felt […]
I don’t want to be
https://youtu.be/WZVdWoz6cX0
Depression
A lifelong companion, you’ve always been there
You have no compassion, you don’t really care
I take a sharp blade, try letting you out
The harder I try, the more tentacles you sprout
If I scream out in anger, will you leave me in peace?
Are you done with me now, please when will it cease?
Too many long years, just existing alone
I didn’t choose this body, but it’s mine to atone
If I call out softly, will you come rest in my soul?
I think I’m now done, with digging my hole
Mike Rowedick
What came first, you depression or your crap life?
My Psych and my Doctor refuse to accept that my depression is a direct result of my crap life. They think my crap life is a result of me having depression.
If my life was not crap, I’d have at least some motivation to want to fight my depression because I’d want to get back to living my life.
My life is absolute crap so why would I want to stay out of bed for more than 1 hour each day. I don’t have the desire or the motivation to try and […]
I have been looking at life insurance that will cover suicide. It appears that most companies that provide this product require the policy to be held for 13 months before the cover of suicide comes into effect. Does anyone have this type of life insurance? I am curious to whether you have to disclose any mental health diagnosis, treatment or past suicide attempts or if there may be any other fine print that may stop a payout on one of these policies?
I have never been alright and I never will be alright.
And tonight I lack the strength to even move
When you walked, now watch me die
But I know this is harder for you
For love has let you down and come on
And no, you’re not alone
And the road ahead is lined with broken dreams
So walk, yeah, walk on by
And I failed to give you everything you need
For the fear’s behind your eyes
When I cant feel you
I’m not alright, not alright
When I cant heal you
I’m not alright, I’m not alright, I’m not alright
When I cant feel you
I’m […]
I’ve been seeing a new psychologist since January and last visit she questioned why I was still seeing Psychologists if I believed my life will never get any better. I repeated what I had told her previously, that I simply want help to give up. I seem to continually hope for something to change but I need to accept that nothing can ever change. She has kept trying to inspire me to start doing things in an attempt to make my depression better with the idea that my depression will improve if I simply eat better, exercise and get more sleep. She will not accept […]
Each year, millions of Americans who suffer from terminal illnesses are unable to legally end their lives in a humane, comfortable way with the support of their families and doctors, because “dying with dignity” is only legal in five states.
Death With Dignity enables residents suffering from terminal illnesses to have the freedom to end their lives in a humane, responsible, and legal way.
Urge the Pennsylvania Speaker to introduce and pass a Death With Dignity law to help end suffering!
h ttp://www.thepetitionsite.com/425/748/234/urge-the-pennsylvania-legislature-to-pass-a-death-with-dignity-law-to-help-end-suffering/
Felo-de-se
Why did I have to be born this way?
Life’s a game, I’ll no longer play
Humiliated, degraded with every word that’s spoke
Why am I just a pathetic joke?
Why did I have to be born this way?
In a world like this, I’ll no longer stay
Treated like shit from the moment I awoke
The toughest of souls would find themselves broke
Why keep on living you disgusting, cock-less freak?
The same familiar words from all those whom bother to speak
Isn’t it wrong to treat me this way?
Why the fuck would I want to stay?
Just a pathetic tiny dick joke
Made to feel worthless […]
https://youtu.be/HeUJ4Y-XOeY