Some men write letters to their unborn child
An expression of love in a world gone wild
If my life were to end before yours begins
I want to share my love and make amends
But my letter is not addressed to an unborn baby
But to an unfulfilled desire that someday, just maybe
A new life could have been created if I had been a real man
I’d have loved you and nurtured you and been your number one fan
I’d comfort and care for you and make everything alright
I’d even chase monsters from under your bed each night
I’d have found you the best Mummy in all of Australia
If I wasn’t less of a man and a worthless failure
I can see it in my mind like it was really true
Mummy and I at the hospital, and I’m holding you
Wise men had told me that life held no greater prize
Then the first time I’d hold you and look in your eyes
But society is sick, judgmental and flawed
If you are born different, you’re simply ignored
You don’t measure up; you’re not a real man but just a joke
So kick away the chair and go hang from your rope
I didn’t have endless dreams, just a few
To be husband to Mummy and Daddy to you
I was asking for something I should never have expected
I should have known all my dreams would just be rejected
So I’ll leave this life the same way I started
Still less of a man, just more broken hearted
Less than all others, not worthy, just broken
Just show me the exit so I can cash out my tokens
All I wanted was to be happy with Mummy and you.
The only dreams I had, just those two
The only things I wanted but could never be had
To be a husband to your Mummy and be a little baby’s dad.
You were never conceived, never existed, that is true
But there has long been a place here with much love for you
No matter how badly I wished and wanted or how it made me sad.
Some men never get the chance to be a little baby’s dad
You will never be but I will always love you
Mike Rowedick 2015
14 comments
Mike Rowedick,
touching! i on the other hand felt opposite, i never had children because i didn’t want to bring them into this world, i didn’t want to say i’m sorry i got you into this mess! i vowed that at a young age, was i right or was i wrong? but i don’t have to apologize to anyone.
Thanks Rocketman. I can see your point of view and I think it’s a personal decision that some people get to make but most parents want nothing but the best for their children. If we had total control over everything that affects our children’s lives then I think most children’s lives would be perfect. We cannot control life; all we can do is give each life a chance. No parents should be blamed for creating a life and giving a child a chance of having an enjoyable life.
This was wonderful. thank you for sharing it.
Thank you HDS. You have no idea how difficult it was to post this. Reading your comment makes me feel better about my decision.
I read this post last night and thought about commenting, but I had nothing to say. It’s just really, really touching, rocketman is right. Touching, sad and beautiful. Probably one of the most beautiful posts I’ve ever read on the site.
Thank you so much Tristeza. It was very difficult for me to post this because I have never expressed myself at this level before. I was waiting for some negative comments and I was going to delete it. For you to say such positive things about my post makes me feel so much better, not only about posting this but for having and expressing these feelings. Thank you.
You’re welcome, Mike. It’s your decision, but I really hope you don’t delete your post. I didn’t lie when I said it’s one of the most beautiful posts I’ve ever read on here.
I remember some of your posts and know some of your story, and I think you’re a kind soul who unfortunately don’t have the life you deserve to live. I may not have the chance to say this again since I’ll probably stay off the site for a while, so good luck Mike. I wish you the very best x
I was going to erase it through fear of ridicule
Didn’t want fellow SP’ers considering me a fool
But Tristeza said something that changed my mind instead
She said it’s one of the most beautiful posts on here, she’s read
I think in my parting my post shall remain
To prove something beautiful has come from my pain
I thank you Tristeza for sharing your compassion and kindness with another
All the qualities you possess are what I’d look for when searching for my child’s mother
I’m fumbling with words and phrases, trying to iron out the bugs
But what I’m trying to say Tristeza is I wish you the very best, with lots of big hugs x
Thank you so much, Mike. Reading this made me smile. So sweet. Hugs back x
That was very sad. It’s not too late for you to be a father if it’s what you really want. I don’t think I’ll ever have children of my own. There’s just something I like about the thought of long set of genes coming to an ultimate end with my life. Plus I hate my father.
Thanks PsychoFancy. It’s much too late for me, plus I was writing it as if I had been born normal and could have children. As I am now I have the same thoughts as yourself, I’d never want to pass on my genetics to any child through fear of them having to live a life like mine.
Both beautiful and sad. I too hope you will not delete this post. It belongs as part of the legacy of SP and of you.
Isn’t it a cruel irony that there are so many men in this world who mistreat their children, or don’t give a damn about being a father, and even walk out on their family; and men like you, who would make great fathers, never get that chance?
Thanks 1bigzero, It’s all to do with circumstances. The best singer in the world may never sing a note. The best footballer in the world may never kick a ball. Nobody knows what they are capable of doing unless they are given the chance. Very few people get the chances they want in life.