I had the chance to go up the rooftop of a 12-story building some days ago. It was refreshing to get out of the house for a while and the air was so cool what with the christmas season (or a typhoon) approaching…
I stood up on a ledge and looked down and tried to take pictures. When I went up I could already feel my knees wobbling and my hand was shaking so much the first few pictures I got were blurred, I had to retake […]
God, both my parents are dropping not-so-subtle hints that they already want to retire…
My father had a myocardial infarction a few years ago and he’s still struggling to pay off the loan he took to pay for the medical bills, and on top of that he’s paying for his meds for diabetes monthly and sending my 2 younger siblings to college. He says he really wants to pay all the bills and just retire as soon as he can.
My mother is sick and tired of her abusive boss and unprofessional work environment. She only plans to stay 3 years tops to complete a 10-year company […]
I guess I’m writing this more for myself than anybody else…it just breaks my heart sometimes knowing that the one place you thought where you will be understood and not judged can also be infiltrated by people who cannot do the former and do the latter. I mean this place, our SP community, is a place to share our stories not just about having done it, attempted it and survived it but also having contemplated and/or contemplating it. Contemplating it meaning thinking about it…wondering why do we feel the need to end it? What is going on in our lives? Why must we hold on […]
I have often wondered why I wanted to just end it. And I usually end up with the fact that I am lost and my life has no direction. But now, I realized, there’s something more than that.
I realized that I am the complete opposite of myself before (when I was driven, confident, ambitious). Now I am very insecure, confused and just flat-out tired and unmotivated. What makes me want to end it is I could have AVOIDED IT. I USED to be on the other side, the side of optimism, of hope in the future. When I started college, I was among intelligent people, […]
just saw a christmas countdown on the news.37 days til christmas.where the fuck did the time go?
now i’m all anxious since i haven’t found a job, been unemployed for almost a year.and it’s crushing me since i promised myself that i would make our family’s 2014 holiday celebrations grand.i’ll fund it, make my parents happy and proud,be the best eldest sis giving presents to my siblings.give grown-up gifts to my relatives as a sign of gratitude.bake a lovely cake, impress my bf and his family.
shit, i’m not going to be able to do any of that.none of that.i’m a fucking disgrace, a loser.it’s making […]
wow, there’s nothing quite like failing spectacularly at finding a job to make one want to off oneself. there’s nothing quite like becoming a pathetic free-loader for almost a year, desperate and hopeless.
my life is going nowhere.why continue?
I’ve been cooped up at home for almost a month now. Tomorrow I am required to leave my lumpy pillow behind and dress up. What is this “outside” that many speak of? I only love that which I know, that which is familiar and comfortable. Why would I venture anywhere else? I have forgotten what that awful word represents, and confess that I have no desire to remember. T_T
You feel lonely and depressed and that one person you count on to understand you tells you: “There you go PRETENDING to be all sad again” and “Fine. If you want to wallow in your miserable self-pitying then be my f*cking guest.” Just no words right now for how pissed and CRUSHED I am. This challenges me more to show him that I AM NOT PRETENDING, I want to prove that to him so bad. I am so tempted to off myself…Has someone undergone something similar? 🙁
I am very happy (weird statement in a post about suicide, I know) and thankful that I came across this site. It’s a rare chance that one can, with total abandon, present one’s life in a self-pitying view and (hopefully) not be judged.
If there is anything I have learned is that in life, CHOICE DICTATES ALL. Jaded, disillusioned, trapped, confused, hugely embarrassed, angry, bitter, sad and tired, I am all these things, all because of my very poor and misguided life choices. If I could turn back time I most definitely would because I hate feeling how I feel right now.
My life started well enough. […]
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