I just wish that I could take his place, you know? Alex died at age 19 with such zeal for life and so many plans. He was the one with motivation and goals. He wanted to live. I want to die. He told me that I was too hard on myself and that I had a future. Then he died. He died before I got back to campus from doctors appointments. I never got to tell him that I love him and that he made me feel safe again, feel loved. He made me feel valued, and I loved him for his humor, his studying […]
So the boy I was falling in love with died less than three months ago and I’m okay sometimes and other times it’s worse than when I got assaulted years ago and thought I was dying.
Memories of him always pop up, always freeze me up, make me break down and hide away and I’m fairly used to it, but I’m the past few days I’ve been having memories of him that never happened nor could ever happen, because, well, he’s dead now.
I see him and I playing in the snow together. I see him surprising me with cute things. Celebrating the holidays. I feel myself […]
So, I first wrote on here in 2013 talking about my budding depression.
I’ve had lifelong issues: chronic illnesses, abusive parents, bullying, many sexual assaults, death of family members, panic attacks, self-harm, suicide attempts.
I wrote in here when I was fourteen. I’m nineteen now, a sophomore at a good college. Decent GPA. I haven’t cut myself in years, I was seeing a therapist, on some helpful medication. I was better, never good, but better.
I had a bad breakup a few months prior. I was getting diagnosed with yet another a new chronic illness. I was estranged from my friend group because of said breakup, and my […]
So last Tuesday, almost a week ago now, I had a really bad anxiety attack. I couldn’t stand up. I couldn’t talk without sobbing. I couldn’t move without my body hurting. I had this feeling of impending doom. At one point I fell and just didn’t have the motivation to force myself to get up…. I thought this attack had been the first one in a long time, but when I was talking to my dad afterwards he said that this was one of many in the past few weeks and was considering getting me to a psychiatrist to figure out some medicine to help […]
Everyday feels the same. Everyday I want to crawl into a corner and never come out. Does this ever end?
Hey everybody, I’m new here…..kind of. Anyways I felt like I wanted to share my story, but I have no idea where to start or how to start. So I’m just going to ramble on and on until I feel like it should end.
I guess I was always suicidal. I’ve always thought of suicide as a little girl and its almost an obsession now. I remember trying to commit suicide when I was six or seven, but not strong enough to push the steak knife into the skin of my neck. Such a weak little girl I was. Anyways about two years ago is when […]