ella

i did not post all of 2016. I didn’t touch this site all of 2016. Here I am in 2017.

2016 was a big year for me- graduated HS and went into my first semester of college. i have lived in an urban, big city area all my life. i did not get accepted into my number one choice of college. i cried the whole day that day. i decided on a university that is in the middle of nowhere, expensive, and fucking tiny (about 1500 people). I did not do exceptionally well in high school. i did not take it seriously or put towards optimal […]

i don’t get the point of living. trying. because we’re all going to die SOMEDAY. so i really dont fucking see why we have to go through so much shit just to end up dieing. thats my whole philosophy on life. why try? its not like if you’re all happy all the time, and do ‘good’ during the time your alive, but just end up dead anyways? WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT. because people wont remember what you did nor your names for FOREVER. this is why im not happy. because im going to die. someday. this is why i dont try at school. this […]

I’ve known things that no 13 year old should now. In the fourth grade, i kept cutting myself. i didn’t know why i did it at the time but i know i did it because it felt GOOD. fifth grade year, i kept at it, and understood why. i knew about weed the same year. how to roll a blunt, make a bong. everything. When i went to middle school, i had no friends. my bestfriend left me for the girl i hated. i acted fake to get into the ‘group’ it worked. i was called a ‘popular’ i got into drinking partys. 7th grade: had […]