i did not post all of 2016. I didn’t touch this site all of 2016. Here I am in 2017.
2016 was a big year for me- graduated HS and went into my first semester of college. i have lived in an urban, big city area all my life. i did not get accepted into my number one choice of college. i cried the whole day that day. i decided on a university that is in the middle of nowhere, expensive, and fucking tiny (about 1500 people). I did not do exceptionally well in high school. i did not take it seriously or put towards optimal effort. i went into college thinking i was going to work hard. that did not happen. first semester i failed a class, and barely passed the others. i am pre-med. i wasted 7k to have a shit GPA. but i know what caused this. my laziness and lack of effort are all contributions. i had a small group of friends. i thought we all would be friends for a long time but that changed as of a few days ago.
to tell y0u about my friends, one is a girl, we call each other best friends. she is really funny and nice to be with. but she is just so fucking lacking as a person. she seems so ignorant and she’s so annoying when she other people are around. she seems to like to be the center of attention. the other two are guys. one i went to high school with but i did not talk to him. he is a fucking asshole to everyone and i don’t know how i put up with him for a whole semester. the other is a kid that thinks he is so fucking smart (he is) and corrects and is very judgmental and fucking racist. we were/are close friends. we are with each other a lot. but i told them i was transferring schools and they have done nothing but make me feel terrible.
when i think about it, they are not that good of friends. i chose to hang out with them and skip classes which led me to said failure of classes. i don’t know why i did that. they think i can’t do anything without them. they think I’m so damn dependent on them. the only thing i miss is having people to talk to. i desperately need someone to talk to.
i am so sad today. i can’t wait to transfer schools. the atmosphere of this place is fucking terrible. i will go through the next semester. I’m so damn sad i told myself to never get this low again. i fucking hate myself