The Absurdist

Well, as previously stated in some long lost in the shores of last week today Saturday 15th is the day to really start planning the specifics of my demise, the post with the reasons should still be there should you care.

Roughly the idea would be this:
1) Getting rid of all my possessions, donating the clothes I don’t need and sending my few belongings (some movies, books and videogames) to my best friend and brother.
2) Going for a vacation of sorts someplace nice, have some peace for a little while.. It’s been a while since I last enjoyed nature. This could be anywhere from […]

It’s amusing how once you have more or less definitely decided to die perception of the world so subtly shifts.

I had something of a (teensy) epiphany earlier today. A ragey thought along the lines of ” fuck the mouse broke again I bought this one two months ago I really can’t afford to waste money on such pointless expenses right now” immediately followed (as far as any thought can be said to “follow” any other at least) by “it won’t matter when you’re gone anyway” .

It won’t indeed. It hit me today but looking back this kind of thinking has been going on for […]

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.

(after a line attributed to William Gibson)

My mother called earlier today.

She asked among other things  “How are you holding on ? Are you alright?”

“I’m ok” I replied.  All the while thinking of scalpels and trees.

What else can you really say?

Hello everyone.

Should I even explain why I’m here 🙂 ?

I’ve never really been very happy, just short stretches of joy, (much longer) stretches of pain and shame sewn together in a numb haze of acquiescence to being dragged by circumstance hoping it would take me somewhere nice enough at some point.

It hasn’t, and now I’m completely alone with nothing to look forward to. For a long while now the only thing that seems to bring me comfort is the thought of ending it all. It haunts me lately, not a day goes by that I don’t think about it.A “good” night now just means going […]