Day after day I sit in my room and watch the sunrise from my bed. Night after night I wake up to the sounds of my family getting ready for bed. I’m so afraid. I’m alone in every sense of the word, and it terrifies me. The fact that nobody will remember me after my inevitable death makes me sick. The fact that my family would only show up to my funeral because they have to nauseates me. The fact that I’m the one pushing people away makes me see red. I can’t understand my own emotions and the only thing I can think about is […]
The title says it all. I graduated high school today, and I have never been this suicidal in my entire life. I’m not going to college or anything, so I feel like it’s just my time to go. I said goodbye to everyone, so it’s okay if I die now. Nobody there really liked me much, anyway. To be honest, I’m surprised I made it this far. I didn’t think I’d make it to graduation, but I did. Now I don’t really have anything left to live for. It’s almost sad, I used to have such big dreams and high hopes, but I don’t know […]
After what seemed like forever of agonizing over my short story, it’s finally complete. Free of grammar errors, and everything.
I chose to write about obsession. It’s toxic and beautiful, all at the same time. The story feature two young boys, blood pacts, and an abundance of flower references (there’s a list with their meanings on the last page, so you don’t have to google them). I call it Hazelnut and Honeysuckle. You can read it here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_hYu-7W-pGpTd4qitNZg1DRrl5hHbu_-EjbxZ06njIM/edit
None of you will probably read it, but I can honestly say I’m proud of this. It’s fairly well written, and people have liked it thus far. I […]
I turned 18 June 5th, and I was so ashamed of myself because I never thought I’d make it this far. I thought I’d be dead by now. I know I’m going to die soon, I’m getting too tired too fast and my will to live is almost nonexistent at this point. I’m not going to make it to graduation, but that’s okay, I was just another nameless face in the crowd. I’ve never been anyone special.
I wanted to be someone special, though. I wanted to be some great writer. I had such big ideas and dreams, but my depression killed them a long time […]
ob·ses·sion
?b?seSH?n/
noun
the state of being obsessed with someone or something.
“she cared for him with a devotion bordering on obsession”
an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person’s mind.
plural noun: obsessions
“he was in the grip of an obsession he was powerless to resist”
So my short story is about obsession, not love. It’s kind of poetic, actually, or so I’ve been told. Read more here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qzldTyxHx99uPfQ0Cdt-st5LwKzZ158d21aeP34IC68/edit
I really don’t even know what to put here. We just took our final in baking and I had my workshop in creative writing on Thursday, so now that I don’t have any responsibilities anymore, I feel like it’s a good time to finally end this.
I’m so tired of fighting. I just can’t do it anymore. I don’t have the energy, and it’s not like anything is going to get better.
Sitting here writing this, I’m thinking of how it’s been well over a year since I left my house to hang out with friends. They really don’t care, do they? That’s my own fault, though. […]
Life is fleeting. The only good thing about my life is that one day, I will die. The inevitability of death is comforting, in a way. It doesn’t matter how much I fuck up because one day it will all just be over. It doesn’t matter how alone I am because one day I’ll just leave everyone behind.
I used to be scared. I was absolutely terrified of dying and what happens after. Now, I just can’t wait for everything to end. It doesn’t matter what happens after I die, I don’t care anymore. Sure, I have things I want to accomplish before I pass, but I know […]
Okay, so here is the link to read what I have written so far of my short story. I’ll be updating it probably daily, and would really like your opinions on it. Thanks.
I have this friend, who I will call L for privacy reasons, that really looks up to me for whatever reason. I’m a senior, and she’s a freshman, so I guess that might be why, but she said something today that really struck a chord in me. I go to a vocational-technical school, I’m in Baking and she’s in Drama. Whenever she performs she dedicates her performance to someone she cares about. Not some friend that lets her borrow their homework, no. Someone she truly cares for. Performing for someone, even if the person isn’t there, helps her do better and motivates her to try […]
I woke up in a better mood than usual today, and I can’t tell if that’s good or not. Like the calm before the storm of something like that. I hope it’s not. I want it to just be over.
Anyway, I just wanted to post that it was a good day and I finally started my short story. It turned out to be easier than I thought once I got the ball rolling. It still isn’t really a coherent story just yet, more like a bunch of scenes that I finally typed up. But I’m working on it. Wish me luck.
I told myself I wasn’t going to post here until I started my short story, but I found an old journal of mine and felt like I should post anyway. I was flipping through it and I was kind of startled at how much I wanted to die. Not because I’m better, but because I have made absolutely no progress. If anything, I’ve gotten worse. I’m more isolated now. I feel things less. I’ve lost any bit of hope I had before.
Damn, usually when I see these types of things, people always say how much better they are, and I’m jealous. I don’t want to […]
I don’t even know if I like being alone or not. Sometimes I want a friend, but other times I remember how impossible that is for me. Maybe I just want someone to talk to. That’s probably why I’m posting on this site, anyway. I don’t like feeling alone. I know that much about myself. I kind of feel like I’m walking on my own plane of existence, and nobody else can even see me. Like my world and the world everyone else lives in overlaps like a one-way mirror. I can see everyone else and know they’re there, but they can’t do that for me.
Whatever, […]
Most of the time I just feel like I’m fading away. Like I’m just a ghost of who I once was. Like I’m ashes instead of fire.
I just feel so hollow and empty, and there’s nothing to fill the void. God, I used to be so passionate and full of life. Now I’m just a dumb kid with big dreams. Hopeless dreams, bigger than life itself. And knowing I’m not going to achieve any of them used to hurt me, but now it’s more of a dull ache.
The worst part is that nobody even sees it. I’m so fucking good at lying that nobody questions […]
I went back to school today and regretted it immediately upon entering the building. My head hurt, I was nauseous, and I was beyond tired. Within the first hour of school, I could feel myself slipping. I had to go to the bathroom during baking to get myself together and not break down in tears. The worst part is, I don’t even know why I was so upset.
I had my sociology exam, I probably did fine, but it felt like I wasn’t comprehending the questions, my eyes were just reading the words.
In creative writing, my teacher asked if anyone had not started their short story yet. […]
I stayed home from school again today, that makes 18 missed days for the year. I don’t think I’m allowed to miss any more or else the school will take us to court. I’ll probably still miss more anyway.
I have exams for my college courses this week, and I honestly could not possibly care less about my grades. I’m not going to college, anyway. I probably won’t even make it to my high school graduation.
Since the beginning of the semester, I’ve known about my final for my creative writing class. It’s a short story that has to be a minimum of 25 pages, double-spaced. This […]
I’m overwhelmingly afraid of being forgotten.
This is my first time posting anything here, so I feel like I should introduce myself a bit. My name is Rae. I’m transgender, my preferred pronouns are his/him. I’m asexual and aromantic. I write sometimes, draw even less. I read a lot, though. I was going to go to college for psychology and philosophy, but I probably won’t make it that far. My favorite colors are white, gold, red, and black, in that order. I really love flowers and reptiles and am constantly torn between the two. Alright, this is just turning into me babbling about myself, but whatever.
Anyway, I found this site and […]