I really don’t like this whole not being able to sleep thing…it screws everything up even more and leaves me so exhausted.
It’s days like today when I’m in so much pain that I can’t even go to work that I am the most miserable. I hurt so bad I can barely move and so all I can do is sit here and think. Thinking is dangerous.
m.youtube.com/watch?v=qmteUV23Qww
I’m just going to leave this here now.
Everyday I get up and I go to work or I clean my house and all the while I’m faking a smile.
It’s not much but it’s hard and it’s leaving its mark.
I pretend I don’t hurt because that’s what they deserve, but the pain never fades and my guilt only stays.
It doesn’t matter how hard I try to atone for my sins because the slate can never truly be cleaned.
There’s this pit in my stomach and my conscience is grim.
How can I be happy when you always remind me of my sins.
These transgressions pull at me and when I’m […]
Sometimes when you are lonely or afraid you seek solace in the one place, person, or thing, that comforts you and calms you down. That sanctuary you enjoy is euphoric, you feel safe, secure, and free. But what happens when it starts to trap you? When it becomes a prison you can’t escape? What do you do when the one person you should be able to tell every fucked up emotion to doesn’t want to listen to the things that hurt you the most. What about when no matter what you do you still feel alone? Just keep trying right? Ignore it? Pretend you aren’t […]
Oh Suicide Project,
That sweet stranger that I think of so often but visit far less. It has been ages and I fear I’ve locked away all these real emotions again. Alas, I will be back for the time because you are the only silent friend I can seek out for comfort and solace.
Until next time,
TheForgottenFew
I don’t know if my memories are real anymore because they blur with my dreams of you. I dream of how things should have been. As you torture my mind I cling tighter to those memories and dreams and I feel guilty for loving him now that you are gone. I feel guilty. I don’t feel like I deserve any happiness because you didn’t have any, I feel like I’m betraying you by building a life with him. But I have to. I’m stronger now since I lost you but I am weak, and stupid. I make bad choices and I hurt people. The ones […]
I’m not much of a writer
Not really a poet
But I can’t seem to shake this
I know that you know it
I see your face
In every mistake
I hear your voice
With every choice
And I’m tryin my best
I can’t seem to show it
I can’t seem to rest
I know that you know it
Give up let it go
Run away and don’t show it
I found my salvation
She’s your reincarnation
I found my damnation
She’s your resurrection
Run away and don’t show it
Give up let it go
She lifts me to heaven
As you drag me to hell
She […]
I fell apart today leaving work…
It was a bad day and it left me feeling hollow inside when I walked out the door and you weren’t there to hug me and tell me that everything would be okay. I’ve met some good people, and someone our story has saved some of them…but I still don’t understand why you have to be gone forever. It just isn’t fair. I know life isn’t usually fair…but this is just such a cruel fate that I don’t know if I’ll ever completely heal, especially not when every little thing rips the wounds right open again. Having all the […]
I fell apart today leaving work…
It was a bad day and it left me feeling hollow inside when I walked out the door and you weren’t there to hug me and tell me that everything would be okay. I’ve met some good people, and someone our story has saved some of them…but I still don’t understand why you have to be gone forever. It just isn’t fair. I know life isn’t usually fair…but this is just such a cruel fate that I don’t know if I’ll ever completely heal, especially not when every little thing rips the wounds right open again. Having all the […]
I went back to work today…
At office max where we met…
It’s weird being there without you…
I miss you Rob…that’s all…
When I got the news today
I didn’t know what to say.
So I just hung up the phone.
I took a walk to clear my head,
This is where the walking lead
Can’t believe you’re really gone
Don’t feel like going home
So I’m gonna sit right here
On the edge of this pier
Watch the sunset disappear
And drink a beer
Funny how the good ones go
Too soon, but the good Lord knows
The reasons why, I guess
Sometimes the greater plan
Is kinda hard to understand
Right now it don’t make sense
I can’t make it all make sense
So I’m gonna sit right here
On […]
She will be 1 in a few days… -.- Wow…I can’t believe it’s been a year already…
I swear it doesn’t matter if I ever try to do something good for someone I always get shitted on in the end. I do something nice they ***** or complain about it. I tell them something nice they insult me. I try to be there for them they give me a great big fuck you and the middle finger and leave me crying. I fucking give up, why am I made out to be the ***** when I’m just thing to help?!? UGH!!!! I just fucking hate it!!!! People wonder why people fucking hate life maybe this is part of the reason why. Fuck […]
You visit me often Despair.
You leave me lonesome and desperate Despair.
You make me crave the unattainable Despair.
You make me weep because of what I want to do.
You drive me insane Despair.
I talk to the voices in my head thanks to you.
Despair…
You are my only companion,
Despair.
You leave me cold and alone at night.
Your friends, all these demons in my dreams that I fight…
You leave me for the wolves Despair.
Your words weave though my mind tainting my memories.
Your touch lingers on my skin freezing my fingers to ice.
Despair, you call on me as […]
After the anniversary I stayed busy, so I wouldn’t think but lately things have slowed down a little. I haven’t been on in a while and I feel this depression creeping up on me again. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.
Here’s a picture of Dobby just because.
I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that’s gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn’t really matter
How I feel inside
‘Cause life is like a game sometimes…
This is from a song and it’s perfect…people treat your feelings like a game and then your left picking up the pieces when they leave…
Everyday…I get up, and I pretend I’m okay…I put on a smile and I act like there’s nothing wrong.
But when I’m alone and there is no one to see me crumble…I let go…I let the wall holding back my feeling fall and as it does I fall […]
I’m still hurting mentally and physically. My body aches, especially my stomach…and I’ve fought crying all day but I think I will give into sorrow soon and cry myself to sleep.
But I made it.
I made it…and I may not be okay for a long long time, but I’m on my way there. I’ve felt like I was standing on broken glass all day, like the slightest movement would slice me open…like I’m hanging by a frayed thread that could snap at any moment…
I’ve been on the edge of this cliff trying to hold on as it crumbled beneath me…reaching and grabbing and […]
This is the it. The one year anniversary of the day my world ended. And I feel like it is ending again. Come back to me…
There are less than…
24 hours left…
Since the exact moment…
One year ago…
That you shot yourself…
And I…
Lost the love of my life…
And our daughter…
Unborn…
Lost her father…
I’m breaking…
I can’t fake it…
Not any longer…
I can’t take it…
I’m falling apart…
My spirit is shattered…
I don’t sleep at night…
Because I’m haunted…
By ghosts of you…
I loved you…
I still do…
I want you back…
I want to reverse time…
To save you…
To fix everything…
To stop you from doing it…
I have suffered more…
In this […]