he’s made a decision, it’s over now. he doesn’t want me and I don’t want him. but I didn’t have a say. bruises on my left, a fist in my right. this is how I deal with pain, tell me how you deal with yours. what makes you stay to fight?
ThereIsNoEnd
fuck that
That stuffy feeling of sorrow. A record into the next morning, of- last night. What do you do? nothing.. Its traveled into the front of your head now, creating the slight pressure of an oncoming headache. Dry eyes from the lack of tears become a habit- “you’ve used enough for tonight, no more.” -your mind says. Building tension in the back if the brain signals pulses to the front using a series of pulleys and ropes and other complex thingies scientists and psychologists haven’t even discovered. But you know how it works. And you know what its called.
the pain from my arms only accessories how i think of myself. I woke with a terrible fever and i dont want to eat. What is happening to me? Just a week ago i didnt have the numbness in my arms and the aches in my head, they all drained in my pillow before the next morning. Sometimes i wish i got ill like last time. So i had an excuse to do nothing but die.
I beat myself last night. I heard it was a form of self harm. So i guess that was my first time. It felt so good- so much that all i remember was laughing in bed, and hitting my forearms until i couldnt feel my fingers anymore. There are no bruises, its a relief. But this morning they ache- and all i want to so is pound them until i have no control left. I guess ill reserve tonight as well.
the sky was beautiful tonight- a dark pink orange hue blended seamlessly. it stretched for miles, creating art with its clouds. it was truly one of a kind- and I never had to see it to know.