Why do I do this? Why do I feel this way? I’m done. I want to end my life. What’s the point anyway?
I’m back on campus and it’s just overwhelming. Between school and my other responsibilities I get so stressed. And I just cry. I’ve been doing good about not having bad thoughts (why am I alive? whats the point? why did I die when I tried? etc..) but the past few days they’ve come back with a vengeance. And I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to do life.
I have no idea what I should do with my life. I know I’m interested in certain things or topics and those are the classes I take but I’ll be a junior in college this fall and I still haven’t figured out what I for sure want to do. It is so stressful. And I’m scared my four years of college will be up and I still don’t know what I want to do… How am I supposed to go out into the “real world?” Just trying to think about these kinds of things I get freaked out and so anxious and it just makes […]
Sometimes I wonder why I woke up a year ago. I have just been having a really hard time lately. And I don’t know if I’m just overly obsessing over dying or what. It’s not like I want to try to kill myself. Well I do sometimes. I just wish I hadn’t woke up alive a year ago. I know that good things have happened this past year and I recognize everything I have in my life so why do I still think that? I just feel lost. And I’m taking my medicine like I should be. Why isn’t it working any more? It’s frustrating. […]
Actually I have a lot of big problems. But the one that has been bothering me a lot lately is being alone. I moved states and I live by myself. I don’t have my parents or my siblings around or anything. My next roommate doesn’t move in for a few months. My boyfriend will stay the night with me most nights but he won’t come until around 9 or 10 pm. And I’m not doing anything. So I sit around all day and do nothing. I just wait for him to get here and I hate it. I don’t make friends very well so it’s […]
Last week I found this website and thought it might help to get all my feelings out because I kind of hold them back. Actually I hold them back a lot. For some reason I started to not sleep again and I know when I don’t get sleep things get bad. But they haven’t gotten this bad since my suicide attempt last year. I don’t know what I was doing but two days ago I just started taking some pills I had. My boyfriend could tell something was wrong and said he was coming over by the time he had gotten here I had taken […]
Where to start..
I guess with how I’m feeling right now. I’m doing awful. And by awful I mean I want to kill myself. I wish that sometimes I would get the guts to try it again. Or I wish I would have died the first time.
My boyfriend has depression as well. And when he is having a bad day he just goes home. (Normally he stays with me as we mostly live together) Like today he got off work early. I didn’t know what time because he never told me. He just said he was having a hard time and didn’t want to […]